


Under My Skin

by EmilyisSOgay



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Peter, Body Worship, Bottom Wade Wilson, Crossdressing, Doctor Peter Parker, Doctor/Patient, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Wade Wilson, Jealous Peter Parker, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mutual Pining, Nude Photos, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Panty Kink, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Saves Wade Wilson, Pining Peter Parker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Wade Wilson, Stalking, Top Peter Parker, Touch-Starved, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, Wade Wilson Saves Peter Parker, Wade and Logan are bros... sort of, Weapon X Project
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-12-26 12:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18282440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyisSOgay/pseuds/EmilyisSOgay
Summary: Spider-man has had a crush on Deadpool for a while, but never had the courage to confess his love. When the mercenary returns to New York after a long absence, Peter finds that his crush hasn't cooled. However, now Wade seems to have a new, hairy boyfriend. Typical Parker luck. It doesn't help that Wade becomes Dr. Parker's newest patient. Throw in some evil scientists and man-eating spider mutants and you have an average day in the life of Dr. Parker.





	1. Secrets and Stalking

September 20th 2019

“Wowza! That was one of the best explosions of my entire life. Gawd I love bombs!” Wade screeched like a little girl, and grinned maniacally at the man beside him. Normally Wade would’ve been wearing his signature mask, but the heat of the blast had unfortunately burned most of it and his suit off of his body.

Wolverine beside him just growled ominously and then leaned back onto the gravelly ground under them. “I guess we’re done for now. That was the last facility that I know of, but I’ll have to do more digging. This extermination felt a little too easy...”.

“Say what?! Why didn’t you tell me it was the last one? I thought we’d be doing this forever!” Wade whined. Wolverine had recruited Wade to help him destroy a network of facilities popping up around North America that were similar to the Weapon X program. The main difference was that a new, mysterious scientist was behind these brand new facilities, and they were set on using insect DNA in their experiments. Logan had some intel from the X-men where the facilities were located, but instead of waiting for their methodical takedown plan, he decided to go rogue, destroy the labs, and kill the scientists himself. The obvious choice of sidekick was the queen of murder and explosions himself, Deadpool.

“I didn’t tell you, because I knew you’d drag this out longer in an attempt at bonding and camaraderie, because you don’t have any friends,” Logan deadpanned.

Wade pouted, and a look of real hurt passed across his exposed, scarred face. “Aw, Wolvie. We’re friends. Aren’t we? Canucks gotta stick together.”

Logan decided not to respond to that. “We should get out of here. There’s no way that the Avengers weren’t alerted to an explosion this big.”

Wade nodded standing up with Logan. His skin burned and itched under the remnants of his suit. He knew it was the usual ache of his skin, combined with the pain of the half-healed burns from the explosion. “What should we do about them?” Wade asked, pointing to the unmoving line of six victims that they rescued from the building. Their skin was ashen and waxy, and they all wore the same blue hospital gowns. Most of them were unconscious when Wade and Logan found them, or were knocked unconscious in the ensuing fight that happened to get them out of the building.

Logan shrugged. “They’ll be okay once the Avengers arrive. They have their special doctors.” 

Wade nodded. He knew he’d be of no help to them. The last thing those poor people needed was his ugly mug leering down at them when they came to. “Okay. Well I propose that we celebrate!” Wade said, throwing his arm around Wolverine’s shoulders. “We could go to Stan’s Strip Club?”

Wolverine’s scowl was enough to have Wade backtracking fast. “Or, um, we could go to Los Tacos?” 

“Better,” Logan grumbled, as the two men walked away from the fiery mess.

****  
The thing about massive fires in the city that never sleeps, is that the light pollution made the whole thing less impressive than it really was. When Spider-man swung his way down to the seven storey building on fire on the outskirts of East Harlem, he was surprised to find that the building was almost completely destroyed, and the fire was already burning itself out. Upon a cursory look around the grounds, he saw that there were several unconscious people lying a safe distance away from the building. One of them, a man with a bald head and a vacant expression on his face, was conscious and attempting to stand up. Spider-man cautiously approached the man, while noting his weakened state and hospital gown. “Are you okay, sir?” he asked.

The man looked up at him as if he was a God. “It’s you! You saved us! You stopped... it—.” His face, if possible, became more ashen as he abruptly stopped talking.

Spider-man frowned. He wasn’t sure what to make of that. “What did I save you from?” he asked. 

The man began minutely shaking his head as if he didn’t want to answer the question. And then he only uttered one word, so quiet Peter could barely hear it. “Pain.” 

“Is there anyone else who didn’t make it out of the fire?” Spider-man asked.

“No one that matters,” the man said. 

Peter turned just as some the upper floors of the building began crumbling into the lower floors. He knew that it was too late to save any others who could’ve possibly been inside the building, but that didn’t stop the pang in his chest at his failure to save them. The only way a building could burn down that fast, is if it was purposely set on fire or multiple explosives were set off inside it at once. He reached into the side pocket of his suit for his phone to alert the Avengers of the suspicious activity, and to ask them to send some rescue vehicles for the survivors. Tony texted back “already on it.” 

After Peter assessed that the five other survivors were in no dire need of medical attention, he decided to survey the grounds a little more before the Avengers arrived. He noticed that there was some scuffed up gravel and some smears of blood a few meters away from the survivors. He also found a melted, torn piece of red-and-black fabric on the ground beside the blood. He picked it up, immediately recognizing it as the exact hues of Deadpool’s costume. “Well that explains who saved the people,” Peter said, shoving the piece of fabric into his pocket just as Tony, Natasha, and Bruce arrived on the scene in one of Tony’s cars, followed closely by the fire department and two ambulances.  
Peter tried not to think of how many people didn’t make it out of the building alive, as he briefed the trio of Avengers on what he had discovered so far. He left out the bit about Deadpool because he knew how much Tony distrusted him, and he didn’t want Iron Man acting out against the mercenary. Especially, because it seemed that Deadpool was turning over a new leaf and doing some saving instead of killing for a change.

Admittedly, Peter hated Deadpool from the moment he met the mouthy mercenary six years ago when he was 22 years old. But they had only been begrudging acquaintances back then, when Peter would purposely follow Deadpool to try to interrupt his “jobs.” Usually their interactions ended with Peter webbing Deadpool to various surfaces, while he squeaked about bondage fantasies and safe words. Peter had witnessed Deadpool’s unparalleled skill with both blades and guns, so he knew that the mercenary was exceptionally dangerous. However, his hate for Deadpool had quickly dissolved into something resembling friendship. 

Deadpool began joining Peter on some of his patrols. He noticed the merc still took jobs outside of New York, but Deadpool seemed interested in doing good deeds with Spider-man by his side. Peter eventually realized that having Deadpool as a partner was very beneficial for larger gang takedowns when snipers and mutants were involved. He also began to enjoy the merc’s company. Peter jokingly admitted one night after patrol that Deadpool was like devil’s snare in the Harry Potter books, if you kept fighting with him, he’d only kill you faster. 

Deadpool laughed at this simile, but then an intense look crossed his face. “I’d never kill you, Spidey. I’ve got too big of a crush on you.” Peter blushed under his mask. Deadpool flirted constantly, but Peter never thought he was serious about any of his remarks. Peter hadn’t known what to say when the silence stretched out awkwardly between them, so he just bumped their shoulders together, and suggested a game of super tag over the rooftops of New York. 

Tony of course despised Peter’s association with the merc. He’d often badger Peter while he was interning at Stark Tower about how he should kick Deadpool to the curb. Peter vehemently disagreed with Tony, and cited the many unsavory acts that the Avengers committed in their pasts. He wasn’t sure exactly when Deadpool’s constant stream of jokes, singing, and ranting had become a welcome addition to the usual silence of his patrols, but he knew he didn’t want to go back to the way it was before. When the Avengers chased Deadpool out of New York a year ago, Peter was so angry that he cut himself off from most of them for months. Eventually he began talking to them again, but he was still angry. Life without Deadpool was a lot less colourful and a lot quieter. 

But Deadpool had returned! These past couple weeks Peter began seeing the familiar masked mercenary sulking around New York. Peter couldn’t help but feel a little hurt that Deadpool hadn’t sought him out to at least say hello. He was definitely keeping a low profile, because Peter hadn’t heard Tony complaining about his presence yet. Something was different about Deadpool since his return. He seemed more focused and less ultraviolent than when he was in New York the last time. Peter gripped the melted piece of fabric in his pocket tightly. At least he hoped that was true, maybe he’d have to do a little bit of light stalking in order to be sure. 

****  
Deadpool had to hand it to the little old lady working the night shift at Los Tacos. When a six foot seven inch, heavily muscled, disgustingly scarred, and partially naked, armed man covered in dried blood entered her restaurant she didn’t even blink an eye. She did, however, make Wolverine wait outside (“No fleas allowed!”) while Wade bought their food.

Wade could barely hide his smirk as he exited the shop with a fifteen pound bag of tacos. He heard a low growl from Logan, but the man was silent as he walked. And then Wade heard it... the telltale scratch of barely retracted adamantium claws on furry skin. “I knew it! You do have fleas!” he laughed out loud.

Logan didn’t even think twice about punching Wade in the gut for that jibe. “Shut up, Wilson.”

“Ommffff! Owwwww!” Wade shrieked. “I think you pierced my duodenum! How will I eat my tacos now?” he asked, dramatically falling to his knees and looking up to the heavens for guidance.

Logan snatched the bag of food and kept walking. “You’ll be healed before the first bite hits your tongue, drama queen.”

Already healed, Wade jumped to his feet and ran to catch up to Logan. “Just because I heal doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt,” he pouted. Logan remained silent. Wade hoped he felt guilty. For three long seconds he attempted to give Logan the silent treatment to make him feel even guiltier, but Wade could never remain quiet for long; so he began singing The Thong Song very loudly to annoy Logan instead. Wade swore that he could hear Logan’s teeth grinding together with each minute that passed. 

By the time they arrived in their cruddy little stakeout apartment several blocks away from the facility they blew up, Wade was sure that Logan didn’t have any more molars left to grind. Wade had moved on to Destiny’s Child’s greatest hits, and if you’ve ever heard someone singing anything with a whole taco in their mouth, you’d feel Logan’s pain. 

Eventually Logan couldn’t stand it. “Why must you fill every second with constant noise?” he asked, while shredding the arm of the shitty couch they were sitting in. 

Wade still had his mouth full of tacos, but a thoughtful look crossed his semi-masked face as he chewed fast and swallowed. “Well, the noise is a good distraction from the pain of my skin. Constant pain changes you, Wolvie. It used to make me so angry and resentful. It’s all I could think about on some days. I would sit in my room and think of every ugly word to describe the hell I felt. It was as if the pain had its own sound, louder than anything else around me. Louder even than the voices in my head. I only ever experience true silence when I die, but it’s never for long.” A dark look passed across Wade’s features. 

Logan was surprised at the serious answer Wade provided. “So, you’re saying that your idiocy is a side-effect of Weapon X?” he asked.

“I guess you could say that. But I think I’m learning to distract myself from it more now with jokes, or singing, or witty repartee. That’s probably why I’m so in love with Spidey. He can always keep up with my jokes. A year and a bit away from him still hasn’t dampened the fire in my loi—“

“I’m going to have to stop that train of thought right now,” Logan interrupted. Once Wade started talking about Spider-man, there was no way that he would stop waxing poetic about the man’s many assets. Logan scratched his neck idly, trying to think of a response to Wade’s dilemma. “Have you considered going to a doctor?”

Wade was just about to put another taco in his mouth, when, miraculously, he lowered it. Wade, for once, was silent as he stared at Logan as if he had just turned into a seven-headed swamp monster. Then Wade slowly pulled away the rest of his melted mask from his raw skin. “You do realize that doctors and their sciencey jerks were responsible for this, right?

Logan tried so hard not to flinch from the sight of Wade’s face, but today there was a particularly painful looking groove on the side of his cheek that exposed just the right amount of red muscle tissue to make him shudder. Logan sighed. “Not all doctors are evil, Wilson.”

Wade shrugged and began eating again. “I have trust issues. Plus, my genes are too fucked up. I doubt anything could be done, and I refuse to be experimented on,” he replied, with a full mouth.

Logan watched the exposed muscle of Wade’s jaw shift as he chewed his cold taco, and he felt suddenly sad for the man. “What if there was a doctor who had experience treating mutants and supers? A doctor who had a clean, respectable public image, and great reviews from past patients? Nothing shady, just honest and truly impressive work.”

Wade narrowed his eyes. “I would call bullshit. Why? Do you have someone in mind?”

Logan nodded. “Dr. Peter Parker. He’s a super genius kid. He’s only twenty-eight. Graduated school real early, and only had to go through three years of residency before he was able to get his medical license. He became the Avengers’ golden boy after working in Tony’s lab during his first few years of university. They’ve all grown very attached to and protective of him. But one of his many specialties is mutant physiology. Some of the X-men and the Fantastic Four have turned to his expertise for more stubborn injuries and illnesses. It’s like the kid has a sixth-sense on how to help people, but he’s just a regular human. He works part time as a doctor for mutants and supers secretly, but he also does a lot of ground-breaking medical research. If anyone could help you, it would be him.”

Wade swallowed loudly. “You know an awful lot about this guy.”

“I might’ve been his patient at one point.”

“For what?!”

“None of your business. But you’re not the only paranoid one. Obviously, I did some digging before I decided on him. He truly is the nicest person I’ve met in a long time. He also has connections with some really smart people that may be able to help him with a cure. Shuri, Dr. Banner, Dr. Strange—“

“Okay, Okay! Stop name dropping. You had me at Shuri.” Wade had given up on eating, and began stroking his chin in contemplation. “I guess I don’t have much to lose at this point.”

Logan shrugged. “He’s pretty easy to stalk if that makes you feel any better. I’ll text you his address later.” 

“Okay, thanks, Wolvie,” he said vacantly.

Logan could tell that Wade was beginning to space out, so he took that as his cue to go to bed. “G’night, Bub.”

Wade didn’t even notice that Logan left the room. Sometimes when he had a decision to make he’d retreat into his mind a little too deep to consult with the voices in his head. Right now they were saying it was a terrible idea to see Dr. Parker because he was a doctor and a scientist (“ew gross!”), but they also said it was a great idea because it would at least give him something to focus on now that his and Logan’s mission was at a standstill. A bored Wade was never a good thing. “Eureka!” Wade shouted after an hour of contemplation. “Tomorrow I will stalk Peter Parker. He’ll never even know what hit him,” Wade said, cringing at his terribly clichéd dialogue. 

****  
September 22nd 2019

The moment Peter stepped out of his apartment building on his way to work, he knew that he was being watched. His spidey-sense was only at a low-level hum, so whoever it was didn’t seem to want to cause him too much harm. He thought he briefly saw a shadowy figure on a nearby rooftop, but they disappeared too quickly to get a good look at. His trip to his regular coffee shop also made his spidey-sense hum lowly, but nothing seemed too out of the ordinary.

When he exited the coffee shop and began walking down the street again, a massive jock in a grey tracksuit bumped into him on the street. Instead of using his powers to hold his ground, he unfortunately had to let the man knock him over to avoid suspicion. But he was surprised when the man’s huge hands shot out to grab Peter’s biceps to steady him, and prevent Peter from spilling his coffee down his suit. “Easy there,” a low rumble came from beneath the man’s large hood.

Peter immediately blushed. “S-sorry!” he stuttered lamely. Peter couldn’t really see the man’s face because of the hood, but he got a glimpse of a strong jaw, a ruddy complexion, and piercing eyes.

“S’not your fault.” There was a flash of white teeth and a teasing smile.

Peter smiled bashfully, but had to pull away from the stranger lest he embarrass himself even more. He didn’t really find anything remarkable about that interaction, except his inability to talk to attractive strangers. That was, until he arrived at work, and realized the stranger must’ve stolen his cellphone out of his pocket. “Crap!” Peter knew that he didn’t leave it at home, because he was positive he stowed it away in his front pocket after browsing through some amusing memes while in line at the coffee shop. He called the shop, just in case he did leave it there, but he didn’t have any luck.

Damn, that guy was good. Successfully stealing from Spider-man. If he wasn’t so worried about why the man wanted his phone, Peter would’ve found it kind of impressive that the perpetrator was so smooth about the theft. Monetarily speaking it wasn’t a huge loss. He would never keep any sensitive information on there. However, there was one folder on that phone that Peter didn’t want anyone to open. He slouched in his computer chair and tugged at his hair in frustration. “How could I be so fucking stupid? Why didn’t I delete those photos?”

*****

Deadpool had determined that Dr. Peter Parker was the most average, harmless, and painfully polite man he’d ever set his eyes on. He had even apologized when Wade ran into him. You’re from New York, not Canada, boy! Wade also determined that although Peter’s movements around the city were fairly average for a doctor of mutants (work, cafe, lunch with friend, and home again), the kid himself was not exactly average.

Wade watched from across the cafe as Peter talked to his pretty redhead friend whom he was eating lunch with. The two had left Peter’s office together, so Wade assumed the woman was another doctor that Peter worked with. Peter was in the middle of some sciencey story, but Wade was entranced by the way Peter’s hands danced around in tune with his words. Peter must be very fluent in sign language, Wade thought watching the man in contemplation. Peter’s whole body was lit up in total animation as he immersed himself in the story and his companion’s responses.

And it wasn’t just science that got the kid’s blood thrumming. He also went out of his way to shake homeless people’s hands, give them whatever change he had, and actually talk to them. In fact he seemed to know quite a lot of the homeless people in his area by name. Wade could tell that Peter was genuinely interested in their well-being, from the way the kid’s eyes softened and his head nodded minutely with everything they said. Peter may be a fast talker, but he was an even better listener.

Wade could see that the kid truly cared what other people said to him. It wasn’t pity in his eyes, it was empathy. He tried his best to understand others’ pain without downplaying it or ignoring it. He would simply listen, and then craft the right words or suggestions to fit their situation. He often ended the conversations with the homeless with some suggestions that they try a new soup kitchen, shelter, or safe house that Peter had discovered. He just wanted to help people. Peter Parker was clearly the perfect person to be in the medical field. Wade had witnessed only three brief conversations that Peter had with the homeless that day, and had gleaned all the information he needed to decide whether he could trust Parker. The kid was an open book really. He seemed to embrace the world and its people wholeheartedly. Every emotion written on his stupidly beautiful, nerdy face.

Currently Wade was sitting on a park bench in Washington Square Park writing down the information he gathered in a tiny notebook:  
Friendly  
Likes memes about dogs  
Bashful  
Homeless friends (Crystal, Moe, and Walter)  
Redhead doctor friend (M.J.) – girlfriend???????  
Has a c̶u̶t̶e̶ stupid smile  
D̶o̶e̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶

Wade crossed out the last line and instead sketched a tiny deer with huge eyes, and silly overly large hipster glasses.

He looked over at the strip of buildings and shops that was home to Peter’s secret practice. When Wade walked by earlier he saw that the waiting room featured a chic, minimalist design with light blue walls and massive desk for the receptionist with a white marble top. The front of the building was made out of lightly tinted glass, and the sign on the front of the building read “Surface Image” and in smaller letters “Let us discover the new you.” The whole place seemed too open for a seemingly secretive medical practice. But, as the name suggested, what you saw was just the surface image.

Wolvie had told Wade that the business operated as a moderately successful plastic surgery clinic for the general public. Apparently it was a cover in order to protect the identity of the mutant and superhero patients, but there was multiple doctors at the clinic legitimately carrying out plastic surgery, so it wasn’t a total lie. A doctor by the name of Mary Jane actually owned the whole practice. Dr. Peter Parker was just one of the doctors on her roster that none of the plastic surgery patients actually saw.   
Wade was still unsure of what to make of Parker. Peter was a study in contrasts. He was a stuttering, flustered kid with a hero complex, but also a secret, genius doctor and scientist. Parker couldn’t be this transparent. He had to have some sort of weird secret. Just like the good doctor’s place of work, Wade was convinced that there was something else lurking below the surface of Parker’s public image.

Just then Wade remembered that he had stolen Peter’s phone earlier in the day. He was moderately surprised to find that the phone unlocked without a password. The kid was just too trusting. Wade scrolled through Peter’s texts. Wolvie was right that Peter was close to some of the Avengers. The messages were mostly science-based discussions with Bruce, and then personal small talk with Clint and Natasha.

Natasha: Did you ask out that cute nurse yet?  
Peter: Not yet! I’m too scared. What if he’s not even into dudes?  
N: You could take him.   
N: Just do it, Parker. You’ve been alone too long.

Wade smiled at those messages and added “insecure,” “queer,” and “single” to his list. “You and I both, baby,” Wade giggled. 

He flicked open Peter’s picture folder, and his eyes widened at the shear amount of professional grade photos in the phone. Some were artistic shots of buildings and landmarks around the city, but most were beautiful photos of ordinary people: a woman making dumplings in the window of a small Chinese restaurant, old men smoking in an old-fashion barber shop, a toothless woman on a park bench, and a beautiful blonde walking backwards and grinning mischievously at the photographer. All of the photos seemed to be taken right at the moment that a joke was told, as a genuine smile tugged against the subjects’ lips and eyes. Wade suddenly wanted to know the jokes that Peter told those people to get them to open up to him so utterly.

As Wade scrolled to down to older photos he noticed that the blonde began featuring more and more as did Spider-man. Curious. Peter didn’t take this many pictures of the other heroes. Just as Wade was about to close the picture application, he came across one folder labeled “Top Secret.” Wade groaned in frustration at how stupidly obvious the kid was. He spared a moment to consider not opening it to preserve the kid’s modesty, but curiosity obviously won over in the end. He clicked on the folder. Three things happened at once: Wade’s jaw dropped, his cheeks pinked, and his dick stiffened.

“Well, slap my ass and call me a pony!” he all but screamed, startling a woman and small child walking by his park bench.

The pictures were of Spider-man leaning back in a chair sporting an impressive erection that was very visible through the spandex of his suit. Another picture showed Spider-man with his head thrown back, one hand lightly gripping his groin and the other pinching a tiny nipple perking up through the costume. There were other similar photos displaying Spider-man in all his aroused glory.

Only one of the pictures sported outright nudity. It was in black-and-white. The suit and underwear gone, mask in place. Spider-man’s hands were flat against a wall next to a window with the blinds pulled low. The muscles in his arms and abs bulged beautifully, and his long legs were spread just a bit, as if the man expected someone to come and take him from behind. Light filtering through the slats in the blinds made a barred pattern against Spider-man’s creamy skin. Wade swallowed and wetted his dry lips. He gazed at the perfect curves and slopes of the ass that featured constantly in his greatest fantasies. How did Parker get these photos? Did he take them? Wade’s mind was swimming with possibilities. He had to know.

It took a monumental amount of time to pull himself away from the photo, and remind himself he was in a public park. Wade shoved the phone into his pocket, and pulled out the notebook. Flipping away from the unicorn emblazoned cover, he added two more lines to his list:

Photographer

Spider-man fetishist???

Parker just became a lot more interesting. Wade smiled. This is going to be fun.

****  
Peter alerted everyone on his call list that his phone was stolen just in case they tried to contact him. Tony, Nat, Bruce, and Clint were the only Avengers aware of his secret identity, so they could just text his Spider-man phone or call him at work if they really needed to talk to him. S.H.I.E.L.D. had called him earlier today at his office because they wanted his opinion on the well-being of one of the survivors of the building fire that happened earlier that week. Fury wouldn’t say what exactly was wrong with the man, but only that he was gravely ill and that Peter’s work might be able to help him. The whole situation stunk of evil scientist crap, and it gave Peter a headache just thinking about it. His assistant scheduled the meeting for later next week. A car would pick him up and take him to an undisclosed location where the survivors were being kept.   
The rest of Peter’s day was fairly ordinary. He had one minor procedure to perform that morning (removing a deformed tentacle from a mutant woman’s shoulder), and a few consultations in the afternoon after his lunch with M.J. He even had some time at the end of the day to work on his research paper regarding the cultivation of symbiotic skin grafts and their importance in treating patients burned by alien substances. There had been a fair amount of alien invasions lately which had resulted in an unfortunate amount of supers and non-supers with corrosive burns that resisted regular burn treatment. Black Widow was one of the victims of these corrosive burns, and she’d been secretly helping Peter on improving his grafts so they become ready for everyday use.

It was dark by the time Peter left his office. He contemplated picking up some food before going on patrol, but decided he’d rather pick up something in Chinatown after patrol. His decision to move to Lower Manhattan had been greatly influenced by its proximity to Chinatown, which housed his favourite dumpling restaurant. He had a quick nap at home, before pulling on his suit and crawling out the only window in his tiny studio apartment that faced an alley. 

Peter swung, jumped, and flipped from building to building, simply enjoying the freedom and exhilaration it brought before he focused on the city below him. His spidey sense sent off a low-level tingle as he swung by Battery Park. Just then he spotted an assault in progress. Five men were circled around one guy, and each taking turns kicking and punching him. Peter didn’t waste any time dropping down into the circle of men (taking one down in the process), and immediately webbing another to a nearby tree. One of the larger thugs was actually able to get a couple of good hits on Peter’s ribcage with a crowbar before Peter was able to web him up and take him down. 

Once he stopped the altercation and alerted the authorities, Peter decided to swing towards Midtown to see if he could find Deadpool. That piece of fabric he found at the crime scene yesterday was burning a hole in his pocket. He needed to find Deadpool and see if he had any idea what had happened there. He decided to check out some of the mercenary’s regular haunts, including the roof of an aging apartment near Hell’s Kitchen. Sometimes they met there before patrol, and a few times they binged a massive amount of Mexican food there after patrol.

Deadpool was nowhere to be found unfortunately. Peter sighed and then jumped off the building. He decided to follow the sounds of the sirens and see where the night took him. So far Spider-man was failing spectacularly at stalking Deadpool. 

****  
September 25th 2019

It was day three of Wade’s stalking of Peter Parker. He had to find out why the man had naughty photos of Spider-man. He was looking for a connection between the two of them, but so far the hero seemed to be keeping his distance from Parker. Wade’s first theory was that Spider-man had been Peter’s patient, and then they fell in love and were in a secret relationship. His second theory was that Peter hacked Spider-man’s secret photo stash, and was using the pictures to jerk off to. It seemed like just the thing that someone with such a perfect image would do. Everyone needed a dirty little secret. Wade’s stuffed unicorn at home could attest to that.

Wade felt angry that the doctor was using Spider-man in this way. He hadn’t had much contact with the hero ever since he’d come back to New York after his year away. He was too busy helping Logan, but now that he was a free agent he planned on hitting up the little spider. He had to admit that he missed going on patrol with Spider-man. Those few years with Spidey had been something special. It was like having a real friend. Not that Wade deserved a friend like Spider-man. He barely deserved to be the dirt stuck on the bottom of Spidey’s boots. That was why he wanted to find out if Spider-man had a little stalker problem. It was the least he could do after Spider-man was so nice to him.

So far Wade didn’t have any proof that the doctor was stalking Spider-man. The longer Wade tailed Peter, the more he realized that Peter was truly a good person. Just this morning Wade followed Peter on a very long trek to Forest Hills. At first Wade thought he was going to find out another of the doctor’s juicy secrets, but then they made it to an abandoned church, turned homeless youth shelter. Upon further inspection it looked like Peter was volunteering at the shelter. Wade decided to enter the building to better understand why the doctor would want to travel so far to volunteer when there were plenty of homeless shelters closer to his apartment. 

Wade wore a baggy, black hoodie today and some dark jeans. With his hood up and his shoulders slouched, he hoped he wouldn’t draw too much attention to himself. The room was an open concept with privacy screens set up around the far walls. A couple people looked up when he entered, but no one approached him as he loitered near the entrance. Wade could see that Peter was offering the teens some basic medical care and supplies. He was literally helping sick orphans! Of course he was helping sick orphans. It was almost boring how much of a saint Parker was turning out to be.

He made a show of reading one of the bulletin boards near Peter’s little medical set up. Parker just finished bandaging up a girl’s hand, when he looked over at the hulking man beside him. Wade could practically feel the doctor’s gaze incinerating the back of his head, yet he jumped when he noticed Peter standing beside him.

“Hello. Did you need a place to stay? I know of a men’s shelter not far from here. This place only accepts people 21 and under,” he said.

Wade couldn’t even feel annoyed that Peter presumed he was homeless. The earnestness of his voice, and the kindness in his big, brown eyes was enough to melt Wade’s anger in two seconds flat. “Uhhhh.” Nothing coherent came out to play. When was the last time the merc with the mouth was speechless? Probably the time that human trafficker had cut his tongue out. 

“Do I know you?” Peter asked. He seemed to be squinting to get a better look under Wade’s hood.

“I um think I’m lost,” Wade said. “I better go.”

Peter grabbed his forearm. “Need directions? I used to live in these parts.”

“Nah, I’m okay. I really gotta dash. I think I left my curling iron on at home,” he said, backing away from the doctor.

Wade waited for Peter to finish up at the shelter before tailing him some more. Instead of simply going home, Peter went for a long walk until he reached a cemetery. Wade knew it was wrong to spy on Peter in this moment. He had all the relevant information he needed on the doctor to determine if he could trust him. There was no rational reason for him to be there, yet for some reason he stayed. He watched as Peter stood in front of a joint grave that read “Ben Parker and May Parker.” At first Peter was quiet, but then he started talking. Wade was too far away to hear anything that Peter said, but Peter didn’t stop talking for another ten minutes or so. When he suddenly went silent, he looked at the grave as if hoping that it would reply to him. After a while his shoulders slumped, and he began walking away. 

He stopped at another grave on the other side of the cemetery. Instead of talking, Peter sat down in front of it, hugged his legs to his chest, and just stared at the tombstone. From Wade’s vantage point behind a large mausoleum, he could see that Peter was crying. Peter’s face wasn’t the ugly, scrunched up mess that was most people’s cry face; he looked just plain adorable and so so sad. There was a raw vulnerability to the doctor’s whole demeanor. It was as if Wade was finally seeing Peter stripped down to his barest parts. For how social Parker seemed to be, Wade could see now that there was loneliness within him that none of the patients, homeless orphans, Avengers, or hot doctor friends could fill. Wade felt like wrapping the kid in a hug right there.

He started walking quickly away from the scene. Wade needed to get away from Peter Parker. It was just too personal and counterproductive to eavesdrop on the doctor while he was grieving. He wasn’t supposed to start feeling bad for Spidey’s stalker. Wade sighed. He should probably just talk to Spider-man about the photos.

****  
September 26th 2019

Peter wasn’t able to find Deadpool for another four days. He kept leaving for patrol earlier and earlier in order to have more time to find the elusive man. It was almost stupidly easy when he did find him. Deadpool was skipping down the sidewalk in the Garment District. He had a few shopping bags with him, and was decked out in his usual red-and-black suit with the addition of a sheer pink scarf wrapped around his throat and flowing dramatically in the wind. He couldn’t be more conspicuous if he tried. Peter couldn’t help the grin spreading across his face under his mask. Peter planned to tail Deadpool for a while before dropping in and questioning him.

Deadpool just entered a store called Fabric Fantasy, and Peter could visibly see his excitement in the way that he strutted through the threshold with a bounce in his step. Peter waited patiently for Deadpool to re-emerge, despite the absurd amount of time the man was spending in the fabric store. Why did he need so much fabric? What was going on? Peter felt so lost sometimes when it came to Deadpool.  
Weighed down with another four shopping bags, Deadpool finally emerged from the depths of the store. But the merc was clearly not done with shopping yet. Peter was surprised to see Deadpool enter both a woman’s shoe store and a lingerie shop. Peter’s brows raised. Did Deadpool have a girlfriend he was shopping for? It wasn’t really any of Peter’s business if he did, but he couldn’t help his curiosity.

Peter followed Deadpool from a safe distance. Mostly from roofs and the sides of buildings. He got a few curious looks from passersby, but he just held up his finger to shush them. The last thing he needed was someone asking for a picture when he was trying for stealth. Peter watched as Deadpool was bodily shooed out of one store by a harassed-looking saleswoman. Dejected, he started trudging away from the shops with a lot less pep in his step than before. Peter frowned. What had that saleswoman said to Deadpool to change his mood so quickly?

Deadpool continued his quick-paced walk away from the shops and down some smaller streets and alleys until he made his way to a moderately sized apartment building near Bryant Park. Instead of taking the door and the elevator like a normal person, Wade gracefully climbed the metal fire escape up to the eighth floor, before letting himself into an obviously unlocked screen door. Peter smiled. Deadpool’s aversion to using the usual modes of entry made it a lot easier to stalk the man. Peter crawled up the side of the building. It was almost completely dark by now, so hopefully Deadpool wouldn’t spot him through the window. The apartment had massive floor-to-ceiling windows spanning almost the whole flat, so Peter had to be extra careful to stay out of sight. 

It occurred to Peter that Deadpool might be visiting the lady friend who he was shopping for. He didn’t want to snoop on anything inappropriate. The last thing Peter needed was someone accusing Spider-man of voyeurism. When Peter reached the eighth floor, he saw that Deadpool didn’t have any curtains, so it was quite easy to spot the merc in the flat. Two things happened as soon as Peter spotted Deadpool. His cheeks immediately reddened, and a hot, tight knot seemed to swell somewhere in his gut. Deadpool was decked out in a flowing, floor-length midnight blue gown. His mask was still in place, but Peter could tell that the suit was gone because he could see skin. So much skin.

The dress was low-cut, and Peter swallowed as he gazed at the exposed skin of Deadpool’s chest and neck. The dress also had sheer, tight sleeves that hugged his huge biceps perfectly. For all of Deadpool’s talk of how disgusting his body was, Peter couldn’t find one flaw. Sure, he was covered in a literal tapestry of scars, but they didn’t turn Peter off. He found himself more curious about what the texture would feel like under his own fingertips. 

Peter’s heart swelled as Deadpool began posing happily, and taking a couple pictures with his cellphone. The sheer skirts went flying as Deadpool flounced around the apartment. At one point Peter caught a glimpse of a taut, muscled leg. And then it occurred to Peter that Deadpool had been shopping for himself today. The image of the lingerie store immediately surfaced in Peter’s memory, and he audibly groaned as he felt his dick stiffen. He didn’t want to admit it, but now he was imagining the man in lacy boyshorts or a thong. Why am I such a fucking perv?

This was so wrong and Peter knew it, but he couldn’t seem to stop staring. The longer he stared, the harder his dick got. Peter looked down at his erection. Shit. shit. shit. He wasn’t sixteen that shouldn’t have happened so quickly. Peter heard a squeal from Deadpool as he opened one of the shoeboxes on his couch. It startled Peter so much that he hit his head hard on the metal fire escape. “Shit!” he groaned as he almost lost his hold on the side of the window.

He was just about to retreat as a large hand grabbed his forearm and the spandex of his suit at his neck, and hauled him into the apartment. Peter’s heart raced as his back hit the wood floor hard. He felt hot and disoriented as he lay on the floor looking up at the towering man in a blue dress. Deadpool immediately had a katana digging into his neck.  
The thought of Deadpool wearing a dress while trying to threaten someone sounded hilarious. But now that Peter was on the receiving end of such a situation, he realized Deadpool was just as terrifying and also really, really hot.

Peter’s hands flew up instantly in submission, as he felt the cool blade dig into his throat. A stilettoed black boot pressed lightly into his heaving chest. Peter swallowed against the blade. “It’s just me!” he squeaked.

The whites of Deadpool’s mask widened comically as he recognized Peter. “SPIDEY?!” Peter nodded and then winced as the blade dug into the skin of his throat. Deadpool immediately threw aside the blade, and helped Peter to his feet.

“What are you doing here?” he asked excitedly. “I didn’t know you knew where I lived. Of course I don’t usually live here. But I think maybe I want to stay for a while. This is one of my safe houses. Swanky place. Has a pool and a yoga studio! But I’ve never really told anyone about this place... unless! Spidey, are you stalking me? I’m flattered really, but I thought you’d be better at stealth by now,” Deadpool rambled. His tone was light, but Peter could tell by his body language that he was feeling a little self-conscious. His shoulders seemed to curl inwards, and his arms hugged his stomach as if he could make himself appear smaller.

“If you saw me, it’s because I wanted it to happen,” Peter insisted, half-grinning under his mask. “So, uh, you go on a shopping spree?” He didn’t want Deadpool to feel uncomfortable around him, but he wasn’t sure what he could say to appease the man.

“Yessss! I’m celebrating. Logan told me that we’re staying in New York. I mean I love Canada and all, but New York is something else. You know they have this nightclub here dedicated just to people who enjoy dressing up as ponies?” Deadpool asked.

Peter smiled lightly. “I can see how dress up might appeal to you.” Peter tried to angle his body in a way that would hide his obvious erection, but it seemed as though Deadpool was purposely trying not look at him.

Deadpool looked down at the gown and seemed to deflate a little. “This is not really about dress up,” he said.

“It’s okay, really. You don’t have to explain anything to me,” Peter said. He really didn’t want to upset Deadpool.

Deadpool shook his head. “It just makes me feel pretty. It feels right, and I like it,” he shrugged. “It’s just me.”

Peter nodded. “Makes sense. Why let gender norms define us? Fight the patriarchy!” He patted Deadpool on the back lightly.

The man seemed to brighten at his words. “So, what do you think?” he asked, gesturing to the gown.

Peter was quiet as he chewed the inside of his cheek, and tried to think of a response that wasn’t pervy. “Honestly? It’s stunning,” he said, his face heating up all over again.  
“Awwww shucks!” Deadpool gushed, as he flopped onto the sofa and crossed his legs.

Peter tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach as he caught a glimpse of Deadpool’s knee-high boots. “Look, I’m really sorry for spying on you. I just needed to talk to you about something.”

Deadpool smiled. “It’s okay, Spidey. There’s something I need to talk to you about too!”

****

Wade was only slightly taken aback when Spider-man tumbled into his apartment. He wasn’t exactly ashamed that the other man had found him wearing the dress. It was just a little unexpected. But of course Spidey took it all in like the gentleman he was. He called you stunning! His brain sung with such a victory, until a darker thought quelled his happiness. He meant the dress... you’re still disgusting. Wade squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to ignore his warring thoughts.

He chanced another look at Spider-man, and then he couldn’t help but blush as he remembered the photos he found on Parker’s phone. Wade had decided that he was going to confront Spider-man about the photos, because, after leering at them for so long, he felt a little dirty as if he was betraying the hero’s privacy or something. Nudes were much better when the person wanted you to have them. In fact, every time he looked at Spider-man he felt a little guilty about the photos. He needed to confess as soon as possible. 

“Spidey, can I go first?” Wade asked.

Spider-man nodded enthusiastically. Wade chanced a look over at the hero on his couch, and was surprised to find Spider-man eyeing his stiletto boots. Curious.   
“So, uh, I was doing a bit of research on this doctor. You might’ve heard of him. Dr. Peter Parker.”

“Oh!” Spider-man’s voice raised an octave. “Yeah, I’ve heard of him.”

Wade nodded and continued. “So, uh, I might’ve stolen his phone a couple days ago. And I found something on it that might interest you.”

Wade looked over at Spidey again to gauge his reaction. He seemed to have gone rigid in his seat. “Ummm... what?”

Wade reached into a couch cushion, and pulled out Parker’s phone. As soon as he unlocked it, the picture of Spider-man’s ass immediately popped up, because, well... Wade was no saint. “He has sexy photos of you, Spidey! What the hell! Where did he get them? Did you give them to him? Are you guys dating?” Wade bombarded Spider-man with the questions, and then winced at how accusatory he sounded.

Spider-man groaned loudly and his hands immediately covered his face in embarrassment. “Oh god!” he wailed. “Please tell me you didn’t sell those to anyone or post them online.”

Wade gasped. “I would never betray my Spider-babe like that! You should know me better than that. I know I was gone for a long time, but we’re cool now. I’m starting to think we may even be friends. But Logan says I’m incapable of holding down normal friendships because I’m insane,” Wade rambled.

Spider-man nodded, letting Wade ramble. He sniffled briefly, and then croaked out a small “thank-you.”

Wade narrowed his eyes. Was Spider-man crying? “Oh, Spidey don’t cry!” He immediately scooched over towards Spider-man, and wrapped him in a crushing hug. He felt the hero’s warm breath against the skin of his exposed throat. Suddenly this all felt so much more intimate than their relationship usually entailed.   
“Mmmm’not crying,” Spider-man said against the skin of Wade’s neck.

“Shush. It’s okay. You must be feeling some kinda violated right about now. Me and that Parker fellow seeing those pictures. I’m so sorry that I looked, baby boy. I’m sorry I looked at them again, and I’m sorry for—“

Spider-man interrupted him. “S’okay.” He seemed to have finally relaxed into Wade’s crushing embrace, and accepted that Wade wasn’t going to relinquish him anytime soon.  
“Now I know you’re totes against murder, baby boy. And that’s okay. That’s great! But just say the word, and I will go have a chat with Parker. He can’t just keep your pictures like that!”

Spider-man lifted his head from Wade’s chest. “What? No, Deadpool. Don’t do that. I, um, let Parker take those pictures. He used to take pictures of me for The Daily Bugle, so I asked him to take those ones of me.”

Wade raised his eyebrows. “Like as a sex thing?”

“No. Um, have you heard of boudoir photography? I guess I just wanted to do something sexy for the person I was with, but when I saw the pictures I got too embarrassed to actually send them to my girlfriend,” Spider-man explained.

“Parker still shouldn’t have kept them,” Wade said. “Maybe he needs a little surprise visit from Bea and Arthur!”

Spider-man shook his head. “I’ll talk to him, Deadpool. No violence, please.” His voice sounded weary and vulnerable.

“Wade. Wade Winston Wilson. Please call me Wade,” he said. Spider-man had always just called him Deadpool, even though his name was pretty common knowledge. With Spidey being all vulnerable, and Wade wearing a dress in front of him, it just felt right that Spider-man call him by his name.

“Wade,” Spider-man said, as if testing it out. “Thank-you for being honest with me.”

“No problem, Webs.” An awkward silence filled the apartment. Spider-man finally seemed to come to his senses, and began struggling out of the embrace Wade trapped him in.  
Wade immediately relinquished his hold. “So, Spidey. What brings you to my humble abode?”

Spider-man sighed. “I just wanted to know. That fire in East Harlem, was that you? Did you save those people?” Wade should’ve known that Spider-man would’ve heard of the fire. He nodded slowly without speaking. Spider-man immediately brightened and sat up straighter. 

“That’s fantastic, Wade! I’m so proud of you!”

Wade preened. “I can’t take all the credit. I had help from Wolverine,” he said. There was no way the Wade was going to admit to actually causing the blaze in the first place.  
“Wolverine? Is he helping you, um, with your violence?” Spider-man asked.

“Ummmmm....” Wade didn’t know what to say. A memory of adamantium claws skewering an evil scientist flashed before his eyes. “Well, he’s certainly helping me focus my impulses,” Wade said. “But I wouldn’t mind some more lessons from our Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-man.” He grinned winningly.

The hero nodded excitedly. “Okay, yeah, sure, whatever you need. I’ll try my best. So how did you know that something shady was going down in that building?”

Wade shrugged. “Wolvie had intel from the X-men. He thinks that someone is trying to create more human weapons. We know what that shit is like, so obviously we gotta stop it.” Wade shuddered. He never talked about Weapon X, not even with Logan.

A warm hand patted his shoulder in comfort. “Did you want to go on patrol tonight?” Spider-man asked, changing the subject.

“Of course! Let me just get changed.” Wade stood quickly and flounced into his bedroom. 

When he came back, Spider-man was standing. He had a piece of lacy material in his hands that had been inside one of the shopping bags on the floor. He immediately dropped it. “Sorry! It fell on the floor, so I was just picking it up.”

Wade laughed. “Snoopy Spidey. Jeez, I feel like we know each other a lot better now.”

“Same,” Spider-man admitted sheepishly.

****

September 27th 2019

I have to admit these are very delicious, but tacos are still my favourite food,” Wade said, holding up a dumpling speared on the end of his chopstick. 

Spider-man’s mask was rolled up, as he was also eating his weight in pan-fried chicken dumplings. Wade saw him smile widely. “That’s okay. I’m just glad I was able to get you to eat something other than tacos or chimichangas.”

“Hey! I like pizza too,” Wade defended, spearing another dumpling. Spider-man laughed freely.

They were currently on the roof of a restaurant in Chinatown after their patrol. Spidey had called this place “heaven,” so Wade had to give it a try. It was actually a fairly successful night. They stopped one armed robbery, and intercepted one of Spider-man’s regular villains, Hammerhead, who was in the process of a gang-related hit. Like his name suggests, the man was a complete tool. Wade’s healing bullet wounds could attest to that. 

“You’re doing that wrong,” Spider-man said, breaking Wade from his reverie. 

Wow, when had he scooted so close? “What?” Wade asked innocently.

“The chopsticks. Don’t stab the dumplings. You’ll lose all the moisture,” he insisted. “Do it like this.” Spider-man easily picked up a dumpling with his chopsticks, dipped it in the Chinese vinegar, and brought it to Wade’s lips.

Wade’s mind immediately went into overdrive. Spidey feeding him! Maybe Spider-man was right, and this place actually was heaven. His mouth dropped open and Spider-man shoved the food inside. “MMM. It does taste better, but I think that’s because I have Spider-babe feeding them to me,” he said. 

Wade saw a blush suffuse the lower half of Spider-man’s exposed cheeks. “Shut up,” Spider-man grumbled. Wade bumped their shoulders together teasingly.

As Wade continued eating in silence, he glanced over at Spider-man. He was biting his bottom lip as if he was trying not to say something. Finally he said “It’s good to have you back in town, Deadpool. The Avengers had no right to kick you out.”

Wade was surprised at the anger he heard in the hero’s voice. “Aw, did you miss me, little spider?” he teased.

Peter looked over at Wade. “Yes,” he said simply, as if he wasn’t even embarrassed about it.

Deadpool wetted his lips. “Thanks, Spidey. That really means a lot,” Wade said, patting the hero on the back.


	2. Pain and Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter take care of each other in various ways.
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> Trigger Warning for descriptions of panic attacks, mention of temporary suicide, and some violence.

September 28th 2019

Peter slept in late on Saturday, as he didn’t usually have to go into work on weekends. He planned to sleep late, work on his research, and then go on patrol later with Deadpool. No, Wade. He liked calling the man by his real name. As Peter looked back on that night he had to admit the whole thing went about as smooth as he could’ve hoped for. Except for the excessive number of bro-like pats and shoulder bumps Wade had initiated during their after patrol meal. Nevertheless, Peter slept soundly knowing that a stranger hadn’t seen those photos. It was awkward that Wade had seen them, but Peter was glad that it was someone he could probably trust. And he had the phone back in his possession now. Crisis averted. Except he forgot to ask why Wade was “researching” Peter Parker. That wasn’t good.

Peter was suddenly fully woken up by a loud knocking on his door. He groaned and rolled over. The knocking didn’t stop. “It’s my day off,” he shouted across the small apartment. “Natasha, I told you that I’m working as fast as I can on it! Science can’t be rushed!” When Peter pulled the door open, he realized that it was definitely not Natasha on the other end.

Deadpool stood there in plain clothes and his mask. “Hiya! Deadpool here, not the Widow,” Wade waved, before muscling his way into the room. Peter’s spidey sense flared suddenly, as Wade shoved him against the closed door and crowded against him.

“Hey, man! What are you doing?” Peter squeaked. He put his hands flat against Wade’s chest, but didn’t push him away.

“Looking out for Spider-man. That’s what. I know he can fight his own battles, but I just wanted to make sure that you’re not using him for your own pleasure,” Wade growled. When Peter didn’t respond Wade shook him by the biceps.

Peter didn’t know what to say. “I told him I was sorry?” he tried.

“Are you stalking him?!” he asked, shaking Peter again. The doctor seemed to have gone semi-limp in Wade’s arms as if he was trying to seem as harmless as possible.

“No. Spider-man asked me to take his picture.”

Wade tilted his head. “Did you delete the pictures from your phone?”

Peter obviously paused for too long, because Wade growled and lifted his fist. Peter immediately flinched and tensed for the blow, but it never came. “Aw, hell, kid. I didn’t mean to scare you that much,” Wade said. He backed away from Peter with his hands up. “I’m not going to hit you. I’m just looking out for my friend.”

Peter relaxed minutely, and his heart fluttered a little. Wade considered them friends. “I didn’t mean anything by keeping the photos, and I’d never sell them or whatever. Spider-man trusts me.”

Wade seemed to deflate a little at that. “Well, ooookay. But if I find that you didn’t delete them, I will hunt you down, and make you eat your own ear!”

“Understood.” Peter nodded. At least it wasn’t a death threat. 

“I guess that’s my cue to leave.”

“Wait! I just wanted to know why you stole my phone?” he asked.

Wade sighed. “Well, my friend told me that you’d be able to help me with... a medical problem. My skin hurts all the time. He said you help supers on the down low in that fancy clinic. But, I don’t like doctors, no offense. So I had to make sure I could trust you before I let you get your hands on all this.” Wade gestured to his body with jazz hands. “But I know I burned that bridge now, so don’t you worry, baby, I’ll just let myself out.”

Peter blushed at the thought of getting his hands on Wade. “Why do you think you burned that bridge?” Peter asked.

“Theft? Trespassing? Manhandling? Threats of mutilation?” 

Peter shrugged. “I don’t mind treating you, Deadpool.”

Wade laughed loudly. “I should’ve known all that wouldn’t deter the good doctor,” he said. “You’re just too nice, kid.”

Peter bristled a little at being called kid. “Whatever. Just make an appointment with my receptionist next week.” He started pushing Wade towards the door.

“You’re strong for a tiny dude!” Wade said as Peter closed the door in his face. This was getting dangerous. “I’ll see you next week, Doc!” Wade called cheerfully.

****

October 3rd 2019

Wade had donned his cleanest, newest Deadpool suit to go to his appointment with Peter. His appointment was on Thursday at 1 o’clock, and he had thought about cancelling it over three hundred times. He tried cancelling it at the last minute as well, but the receptionist wasn’t having it. “You’re already here, you might as well just go in and see what he says,” she encouraged. Wade was actually very impressed with Peter’s choice of receptionist. She was very friendly and understanding, and didn’t once bat an eye at the way that Wade kept up a constant stream of dialogue with himself in the waiting room.

Why on earth did he think he was capable of doing this? He couldn’t remember the last time someone had seen him without the suit. Logan had seen his face not too long ago, and even he was completely disgusted. Spidey had seen some skin when he was peeping in on Wade, but that guy was way too polite to say what he was really thinking. He knew that if he took his suit off for Peter the doctor was either going to puke, or have a weird scientific fascination with Wade, and try to do terrible experiments on him. Wade shuddered. He didn’t know what was worse. A constant stream of self-hate speech and worst case scenarios streamed from his brain. He didn’t know how to shut it off.

He alternated from rocking back and forth in one of the chairs, to pacing the room while peeling at the skin of his inner wrist. It hurt. Everything always hurt. Maybe that’s why he stayed; or maybe he stayed because of the way people seemed to trust Peter. He looked at the time on his phone: 12:59 PM. Wade was just about to get up and leave when Peter appeared in the doorway beside the receptionist’s desk. “Wade Wilson,” he said, smiling warmly. “Please follow me.”

Wade stumbled forward, still surprised that his body was moving forward with such a stupid plan when his mind was clearly somewhere else. Wade followed Peter down a short hallway, past a few rooms with closed doors. The walls were painted a very light blue, and a large aloe plant sat in one corner. Wade was surprised to find that the air didn’t have that sour antiseptic smell like most medical buildings. A memory of the smell of rubbing alcohol and burning flesh assaulted him. Pain and darkness. Wishing for death. When they arrived outside the door of the office Wade was panicking. 

“You’re awfully quiet today, Deadpool,” Peter said cheerfully. 

“Please call me Wade,” he gasped out. Wade was now hyperventilating. His heart raced, and he felt clammy. 

“Oh, Wade. It’s okay.” Peter turned and seemed to immediately recognize Wade’s distress for what it was. “Breath, buddy. Hey, look at me,” he said. “Stay with me.” Wade felt Peter’s hand on his jaw, as he tilted his face towards him. “Is it okay if I lift the bottom half of your mask so you can breathe better?”

Wade nodded and leaned into the wall beside the door. He couldn’t go in. What if it was tiny like the inside of that chamber? Even the hallway felt too small at this point. Soft fingertips gently lifted the mask over his mouth and nose. Wade continued breathing heavy, as the soft hands gradually pulled his hand away from where it was peeling at his wrist.

“Wade, listen to my voice. You’re here in my silly little hallway in Lower Manhattan. You’re with Peter Parker. We’re just going to have a little talk today. We’ll do nothing that you’re not okay with. We can even go somewhere else. Whatever you need,” Peter said. Wade’s breathing seemed to calm a little bit, but he remained silent. “Open your eyes, Wade. Tell me what you see.”

Wade opened his eyes. Instead of the dank, underground lair filled with dicks in medical jackets, he saw Peter’s gentle smile and warm, brown eyes. “I see messy hair and doe eyes,” Wade said. 

“Doe eyes?”

“Yeah, you know, like Bambi? Or Doby?”

“I do not look like a house elf!” Peter insisted. 

Wade just nodded. “It’s the eyes. They’re huge.”

Peter laughed. “I don’t know if that’s a compliment, but I’ll take it.”

“Definitely a compliment. Doby was one of my favourite characters. I can really relate to him on one level,” Wade said. 

“He was pretty badass,” Peter agreed. “But I definitely have to say Snape is my favourite.” Wade knew that Peter was trying to calm him down with a conversation about the merits of Snape. Wade couldn’t resist. Even though it was the wrong fandom, he still loved the greasy professor. 

After a while Peter opened the door they were standing in front of. “Why don’t you come in? It’s better than the hallway, and I swear I won’t bite.” 

Wade took a deep breath, and looked into the open door. It was clearly Peter’s office, and not a gross examination room. It was very spacious with a small window covered with gauzy curtains, a book shelf featuring some thick textbooks and a few old-fashioned cameras, and a big desk with a desktop computer on it. There was a comfy looking loveseat against one wall, and the biggest, smooshiest beanbag chair Wade had ever seen beside the couch.

His eyes lit up. “A beanbag chair?!”

Peter smiled and nodded. “Go on.”

Wade ran into the office and collapsed into the extremely comfortable beanbag chair (which should really be considered a beanbag bed). He couldn’t believe it was big enough to envelope him completely. “Feels like I’m being hugged by a million tiny clouds,” he mumbled from the depths of the chair. “I like hugs.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Peter said from somewhere in the vicinity of the doorway. “Is it okay if I close the door?” he asked.

“Yes,” Wade replied. He felt considerably better, all thanks to Peter and his chair. “Usually it takes a lot longer for me to get out of those spirals.” Wade’s index finger emerged from the beanbag, and started spinning it in circles. “They mostly end with me... uhhh... you know.” Wade’s hand morphed into a finger gun and he made a clicking noise as it went off.

Peter sucked in an audible breath. “We’ll work on that too, Wade. It’s all about staying in the moment. Focusing on something else, something better.”

Wade hummed in acknowledgement. “Your office is real nice, Doc. I could get used to this,” Wade said. He lifted his head to peek out at Peter from inside the beanbag bed. Peter was perched on his couch looking down at Wade.

“I like being comfy,” Peter said. 

Wade smiled, an image of the sleep-rumpled Peter wearing black briefs and an overlarge grey sweater came to mind. If he hadn’t been so busy trying to intimidate the poor guy, he would’ve definitely made some sort of lewd comment. After the altercation Wade felt terrible. He couldn’t forget the way Peter had flinched away from him as if Wade was going to hit him. It made Wade’s chest hurt. Spider-man had told him to leave Peter alone. Maybe the hero wanted Parker to have those pictures. That thought hurt Wade’s chest in a different way, and he wasn’t even sure why.  
Peter cleared his throat loudly, startling Wade out of his thoughts. “So, would you like to talk about why you wanted to see me, Wade?” Peter asked.

Wade sniffled and sat up a little so that he could face the doctor better. Wade was happy to see that Peter was relaxed against the couch, and didn’t have a clipboard or other scary doctor utensils with him. He pulled his mask back in place, and tried to formulate a response. “Well, I’m sure you’ve seen my file about my powers?”

Peter nodded. “Yes, you have a superhuman regenerative healing factor along with telepathic immunity, superhuman speed, agility, and reflexes. Your strength, though not on the level of Thor, could probably beat an Olympic level weightlifter.”

“You forgot my stamina, baby. I can go all night.” Wade leered.

Peter gave him a tight-lipped smile. “So what seems to be the problem?”

“Well, Doc, it’s my skin. I’m not dumb enough to think that you’d be able to fix my kind of ugly. But I was hoping... Wolverine said... that you may be able to help me with the pain.” Wade didn’t know why it was so hard to talk about his problems. It had to be the trust issues. He couldn’t remember a time when someone actually cared about his physical and mental well-being. Except maybe Spidey. He seemed uber concerned when Wade had gotten shot on patrol last week.

“What kind of pain do you experience?” Peter asked.

“Well, it’s constant. On a scale from one to ten, I’d say it’s a solid eight. Feels like a burning pain, mixed with a throbbing pain. It aches as well, and sometimes it’s really itchy. Today it feels more of a burning and an itchy day. Some days are worse than others.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that you’re in so much pain,” Peter said honestly. “I know that this will be a difficult case given your healing factor, but I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to help you, Wade. I just need you to trust me.”

Wade swallowed and nodded.

“I know it won’t come all at once,” Peter said. “Whatever you’re comfortable with. However, at some point I will need to see your skin so I can treat it.”

“Uhhhh....” Wade was usually not so tongue-tied. He knew there was no way he could take his mask off for the doctor yet. He glanced at Peter, who was looking at him so damn earnestly with only the hint of an encouraging smile. “Okay, Doc, I’ll take the suit off, but I’ll have you know I’m not usually that kind of lady. It takes at least two dates.” Wade sat up as best as he could in the beanbag bed, and began fiddling with the clasp at the back of his neck to start taking his suit off.

“Great,” Peter said, standing up. “I’ll just go get you a gown.” If Wade noticed the pink of Peter’s cheeks he didn’t say anything for once. 

When Peter returned, Wade was almost completely nude save for his mask and his Spider-man themed briefs.

Peter’s eyes widened at the sight. “Sorry!” He slapped a hand over his eyes, and held out a pink hospital gown and a fluffy white blanket to Wade. “You can put the gown on, and the blanket if you’re cold. We can sit on the couch.”

Wade grinned at how nervous the doctor seemed. It wasn’t every day that he had such a terrifyingly disgusting patient nude in his office.

****

It wasn’t every day that Peter had such a terrifyingly handsome, muscled man nude in his office. He wasn’t quite sure when he noticed his attraction to Deadpool. It had to be before the dress incident the other day. But that was just icing on top of Peter’s growing problem. He always grudgingly admired Deadpool’s body even when they were enemies. The power, agility, and sheer skill that the man possessed was enough to get Spider-man a little hot. Peter wasn’t ever going to confront Deadpool about his feelings. Partially because he thought that the merc would never really change his ultraviolent ways. They were just too different, and there was absolutely no way that Peter would condone murder. However, it did seem like Wade was trying to change now, but that didn’t mean that Deadpool even wanted Peter. Despite the man’s constant self-deprecation, there was no way that Wade didn’t have his choice of partners, Peter thought.  
But now there was a different reason that Peter couldn’t tell Wade. It felt unethical to treat someone that you were physically attracted to, but it wasn’t like Peter could pass Deadpool onto M.J.’s massive workload of patients, and the man clearly needed his help. He’d have to try to separate himself from the situation. Wade’s appointments were about making him feel better, and had nothing to do with Peter or his stupid penis. 

“Okay, Doc, you can open your eyes. I have to warn you though. You may need a barf bucket.”

Peter sat on the couch beside Wade. He was wearing the pink gown Peter brought and had the blanket across his lap. Peter obviously couldn’t read his expression, but he was considerably less chatty, so he must still be nervous. “I’m sorry I only had pink gowns left,” Peter said. 

“I like pink,” Wade replied. 

Peter smiled. He had purposely chose that colour for Wade. “I’m going to look at your arms first,” he said.

Wade nodded and shifted his arm towards Peter, who lifted the limb and bent his head to observe. There wasn’t an inch of Wade’s skin that wasn’t scarred. Most of it was pink, and shiny like a burn victim’s skin with the occasional raised pucker. He turned Wade’s arm so he could see the underside. Peter frowned when he noticed that there were some tender-looking deep grooves where the skin didn’t look as if it was healing properly. In these spots the skin was red glistening. “Let me know if I’m hurting you,” Peter said. He had no idea that Wade experienced this much pain on a daily basis. If Peter knew he would’ve tried to help long ago. 

“I’m okay, Doc,” Wade said in a weak voice.

Peter ran his thumb lightly against one of the more angry looking areas. It was almost as if the skin shifted under his fingertips. It didn’t quite heal, but it seemed as if it wanted to. Curious. Peter could work with that. “Can I see your chest?” Peter asked.

Wade squealed. “Doctor!”

Peter smiled, playing along. “Purely for medical purposes.”

Wade’s eyebrows rose under his mask. “All right, but no funny business.” He let Peter remove the gown from one of his arms in order to expose his muscled chest. Peter swallowed audibly.  
“It’s horrific, I know,” Wade said.

Peter had to hold back a groan. The man could never know what Peter was really thinking. “You’re not horrific, Wade,” Peter said honestly, looking into the whites of Deadpool’s mask. “Please don’t talk about yourself like that.” 

Wade’s chest was also mottled with the deeper grooves that didn’t seem to be healing properly. He noticed that Wade’s skin was also very dry in some spots. Upon inspection of Wade’s legs Peter saw that the skin was the same as the rest of his body, except his legs were even drier than the rest of him. The skin on his legs looked tissue paper thin in some spots, and had a bluish tinge in the more painful areas. Peter frowned. 

“Okay, Mr. Wilson. I’m going to start you on a special moisturizing routine to begin with. We need to keep your skin hydrated, so that it will be more receptive to my future treatments. It would also be good if you could stay out of the suit for most of the day. The constriction and friction isn’t exactly good for your skin. Your cells need to breathe too. I have an idea about how I can help you, but I will need a sample of your skin in order to better understand what I’m dealing with.”

Wade immediately flinched at some unknown memory or trigger, but then nodded in acquiescence. Peter knew Wade had a lot of PTSD from Weapon X. He tried to not say anything too triggering, but it was hard when Peter didn’t know what was out of bounds. “I just need a couple tiny skin samples. It might hurt a little, but I will be quick,” Peter said.

When Peter separated his own emotions from the situation, it became a lot easier to treat Wade. This was about helping a patient in pain, plain and simple. Except Wade Wilson was never plain or simple.

 

****

“Ooooooh, Doc, that’s so cold!” Wade squealed.

“I’ll just show you how to apply this lotion. I’m going to wrap up your chest and legs. They seem to be the driest areas,” Peter said. “Ideally, I want this done for at least two weeks to see if there is any improvement, before we move onto another treatment.”

Peter laid a disposable medical blanket over the couch in his office. Wade was currently laying on his tummy while Peter applied liberal amounts of the lotion all over his back. Wade had to hand it to the doctor, he didn’t even flinch or vomit when he saw Wade’s skin. Now he was rubbing lotion on his back as if Wade wasn’t the most revolting thing he ever met. “You must have had some freaking weird ass patients if this doesn’t faze you,” Wade said, gesturing at his body.

Wade couldn’t see Peter’s face from his position, but he knew the doctor was probably frowning. He didn’t like it when Wade used “self-hate” speech. Peter seemed to be focused on his work though, so he didn’t reply. He had already taken the skin samples he needed. Wade had shut his eyes for that. It barely felt like a pinch compared to the pain he was used to. Peter had tried to apply a band-aid to the spots, but Wade had waved it away. Peter watched the little hole he had cut healed almost instantly.

After Peter smeared the lotion thickly onto Wade’s legs, he began wrapping them up tightly with a damp gauze that he used for certain types of folliculitis. Wade sat up in the chair, and Peter also wrapped lotioned gauze around his chest as well. “I know this might be a little difficult to do at home. Do you live with anyone who would help you?” Peter’s tone was light but curious.

Wade laughed out loud, trying to imagine Wolverine greasing him up. “He wouldn’t do that!” Wade said, unthinking. Wade technically didn’t live with Logan anymore. As soon as their job was done, Logan had ditched him in their shitty apartment the next morning. He left a note saying that he was off to gather more information and would be in touch. Wade was so excited to be staying put for once in New York that he immediately made himself at home in one of his safe houses in Midtown. 

Peter frowned. “That’s okay. You can do what you can, and I’ll set up some more frequent appointments so that I can help you with the routine. Do you see how I’m wrapping the gauze, Wade?” Peter asked. He had finished tucking in the last section of gauze and the bottom of Wade’s ribcage.

Wade nodded. “Sure thing, Doc.” He looked down at his body now that Peter was done. He looked like a mummified superhero. “I guess I know what my Halloween costume is for this year,” he said. 

Peter laughed. He was writing something on a pad of paper. “Give this to the receptionist. She’ll schedule your appointments. I’ll send you home with enough lotion and gauze for two weeks,” Peter said. 

Wade was already trying to squeeze into his suit with the added bulk. “Sure thing, Doc. Just leave it all on the couch for me.”

“Okay, I’m really looking forward to treating you, Wade. Whatever you need. I’ll try my best,” Peter said.

Wade paused in his attempts at getting dressed. What Peter said reminded him of someone. He looked over and saw the skinny doctor in his blue button-up, sweater vest, and huge glasses. He was so different from the crowd Deadpool usually frequented. There was no way. “I really do appreciate it, Doc,” he said.

 

**** 

When Wade arrived home with his bag of goods from Peter’s office, he decided to take off his Deadpool suit, and lounge around in a soft, loose-fitting tracksuit. He had to admit the lotion actually dulled the hot, itchiness that plagued him this morning. He decided to pull off his mask and put some of the lotion on his face. He knew eventually he’d have to show Peter his face, but it just wasn’t something that he could bring himself to do just yet. Somehow he knew Peter wouldn’t run screaming from him, but all the same, Wade was a little scared. For what an imposing man he was, his feelings were delicate creatures and he needed to guard them carefully.

The whole experience of going to the doctor had exhausted Wade. He only felt a little embarrassed about his panic attack. Peter had responded perfectly. Of course he did, he’s a doctor, dimwit.

Wade took one of his new, fluffy throws on the couch and cuddled into it. He needed a little nap after today. When he laid down on the couch he knocked the bag of medical supplies onto the ground, and everything spilled out of it. 

A fair amount of pamphlets scattered onto the floor. They were all declaring information on depression, self-harm, and anxiety. And then Wade saw a little note stuck to one of the pamphlets that he wrote on Peter’s doctor’s note pad.

"I know these are lame, but I thought maybe they’d help. I always find talking to someone helps. It doesn’t have to be a therapist. A friend or anyone. I’m willing to listen as well. Also it’s nice to get your mind off of negative thoughts by doing something good for someone else. Volunteering is a great place to start. Sorry if this is too intrusive.  
Best wishes,  
Peter"

Wade noticed that Peter attached the note on an advertisement for a fundraiser at that Forest Hills youth shelter. People would be selling their homemade art pieces and baked goods to support the charity. Instead of Wade finding the pamphlets annoying and intrusive, he was happy that Peter was actually trying to help him in more ways than one. It made him want to try harder. He fell asleep clutching the note in one hand with a smile on his face. 

 

****

October 7th 2019

Four days later found Wade and Spider-man taking down Hammerhead again. This time the guy had two bodyguards with him who were really great shots. Wade had already been grazed by two bullets. They had failed to prevent the guy from killing one young rival drug dealer, but the kid’s partner was still locked in the trunk of the Subaru Impreza that the three men were hiding behind. 

“You take Shooty One and I’ll take Shooty Two,” Wade called to Spider-man who was sticking to the side of the alley beside him. He drew one of his Dessert Eagle pistols. There were exactly seven bullets left in it. Deadpool didn’t plan on using them all. 

“Not sure who is who but okay!” Spider-man jumped off the alley wall, and dodged two more bullets shot straight at him. Spidey ran towards one of the shooters, and shot a web right at the guy’s face. The gun went off again, and Wade heard Spider-man grunt as he tried to dodge the bullet. It grazed his hip. Oh no he didn’t!

Not missing a beat Spider-man webbed the gun right out the man’s hands. “Yes, Spider-babe!” Deadpool pulled his gaze away from Spider-man, and focused on Shooty Two. He started to aim his gun at Spider-man, so Wade shot at the car’s side window to distract the man. “Knock knock!?” Deadpool cackled, advancing towards the shooter. 

“Who’s there?” Spiderman called. He already had Shooty One all webbed up, and was currently fighting in hand-to-hand combat with Hammerhead. 

“A Deranged psycho!” Wade called. He easily flipped one of his katanas out of its sheath and sliced a shallow cut on the shooter’s inner arm, which made the man drop his gun. Wade kicked it away, and waited for the guy to answer his joke.

“A deranged psycho who?” the man said warily. 

Wade smiled wide and maniacally. “It doesn’t matter! Why the fuck would you open the door for a deranged psycho? You’re an idiot.” The guy’s hand twitched to the back of his waistband. As if to prove his point, Wade aimed and shot the guy in the pinky finger. A tiny spray of blood exploded outwards, and the guy screamed and gripped his hand.

“Hands up, Buttercup,” Wade said, holstering his gun and hustling the guy to get on his knees. He pulled out his handcuffs, and secured them on the man’s wrists. Then he pulled out the gun from the man’s waistband. “Ooooh a Beretta Storm! I’m keeping this one,” Deadpool says, shoving the little pistol into one of his pockets. He turned towards Spider-man who was currently webbing a very tight cocoon around Hammerhead. 

“Spidey, look, I didn’t kill him!” Wade said, dragging the man towards Spider-man.

“Good job, big guy!” Spider-man called over his shoulder. 

Wade smiled goofily at the praise.

“I'll get you for this,” Hammerhead insisted.

“Psh, what a cliche. I'm really disappointed in you,” Wade scolded.

Once the three men were successfully webbed together, Spider-man and Wade stood at back of the car. They could still faintly hear the man calling out from inside the trunk. It was locked, but Wade watched as Spider-man grabbed the handle. His biceps bulged and the metal seemed to bend slightly under his fingers, as he tore the top of the trunk from the car easily, as if he was opening a can of cat food. Wade barely had time to register how fucking sexy that was before Spider-man tensed beside him. “Wade, get down!” Spider-man turned quickly and tackled Wade to the ground. The little shithead in the trunk had aimed his gun at Wade, and shot it as soon as Spidey opened the trunk. Then the drug dealer took off running without sparing a look behind him to wonder where his partner was. 

Wade heard Spider-man groan in pain as they hit the ground. “Spidey, you idiot! Are you okay?”

Spider-man rolled off of Wade’s chest. “If you hurry you’ll still be able to catch him,” he said. 

Wade hopped to his feet. “Tell me you’re okay first!” He saw dark blood spilling onto the road from under Spider-man’s upper thigh.

Spidey gave him a thumbs up. “I’ll live.”

Wade wasn’t sure how good Spider-man’s healing factor was, but his desire to destroy the guy who shot his Spider-babe won out in the end. He took off at a speed to rival any juiced-up Olympic sprinter. “WE WERE TRYING TO SAVE YOU, FUCKER!” Wade called down the alley. 

It didn’t take long for Wade to catch up to the ratty-looking kid running through one of the back alleys. Wade drew his gun and aimed for a headshot, and then at the last minute moved it to shoot at the kid’s upper thigh. He fell hard like a sack of potatoes. “I technically didn’t have to do that,” Wade said, slinging the guy over his shoulder. “But you know, and eye for an eye, and all that jazz. Well, in this case it’s an ass for an ass,” he babbled as be jogged back to Spider-man. 

Wade could hear sirens in the distance getting closer to their location. When he reached Spidey, he immediately threw the drug dealer on the ground without a second thought. “Spidey?!”  
Spider-man was laying on his side with his mask pulled up over his nose. There was a bloody smartphone beside him that was still on the line with the police. The hero’s chest was still heaving with shallow, fast breaths. He must’ve passed out. Wade knelt beside him, and cradled the hero’s head in his hands. “Spidey? Stay with me!” Wade called, starting to panic a little. “You said you’d be okay!” He jostled Spidey’s injured leg slightly to get a better look at the wound. It was impossible to see in the dark, but the bleeding had definitely slowed to a small trickle. Hopefully that was a good sign.

“Wade?” Spider-man stirred in his arms, and then started to sit up. Wade helped him. “I should’ve seen that one coming. I’m sorry, Wade,” Spider-man said. Wade saw a dejected frown on the hero’s face.

“What? Don’t apologize. I’m not the one who got shot,” he said. Spider-man opened his mouth to say something else, but Wade just shushed him. “No. You’re talking crazy, and I know crazy personally. We hook up sometimes, and she never calls me back! Let’s get outta here. You called the cops, right?” 

“Yeah, I think I explained everything,” he said, letting Wade pull him into a fireman’s lift. From this angle Wade could definitely see that the drug dealer had shot Spider-man right on his lower left butt cheek. Ouch, been there.

“You sure you don’t need a doctor?” Wade asked, concerned.

“God no. No hospitals,” he growled. Spidey also must have some kind of fear of doctors. Wade could understand that. 

Wade hummed as he walked. He had been walking towards his apartment that was several blocks away. Spider-man was awfully quiet most of the way there. “Still alive, little spider?” Wade asked.  
“Yeah,” Spidey replied. Wade could tell he was still bummed out. Haha bum. “I knew my femoral artery wasn’t severed. A death like that is fairly quick.”

“That would’ve been a monumentally stupid way to die. Getting shot in the ass trying to save a guy who can’t die.” Wade stressed the last two words on purpose. “It’s my superpower. I die so others don’t have to. The X-men always have me diffusing bombs and shit. I’m disposable, dependable, expendable Deadpool!” he said, winningly. Spider-man remained quiet, but Wade could tell he was still conscious by the way the hero was gripping tightly to Wade’s right bicep. 

When they arrived at Wade’s apartment, he decided to use the front door and the elevator for once. Spider-man slid off of Wade when they were in the elevator. He put his arm around Wade’s shoulders for support. “I don’t think you’re disposable or expendable, Wade,” he said in a soft voice. Spidey’s face was close to his at this point. He hadn’t bothered rolling down his mask, and Wade saw some purplish bruises on his jawline, and his bloody bottom lip that was downturned into a frown.

Wade gulped audibly. “Thanks, Webs,” he said.

When they awkwardly hobbled into Wade’s apartment, Spider-man stumbled forward, and Wade caught him by the waist. Spidey tentatively put his arms around Wade’s neck. Wade felt like the tiny space between them was charged with tension or some radioactive spidey magic. He was hyper aware of every little human sound that escaped the hero. His shallow breathing, his tiny “oh!” of surprise when he tripped, and the sigh that escaped afterwards when Wade’s hands met his hips. Wade swore he even heard the hero’s heartbeat pick up its pace.

“I know you don’t believe me, Wade.” Spidey broke the silence. “But you’re not expendable. I will jump in front of every bullet, or moving freight train, or falling piano to save your ass every single time until you believe me,” he said.

Wade’s eyes widened. Who was this guy? He had never felt more unworthy to be in another person’s presence in his whole life. “But—“

“No. If I can save you even an ounce of pain, it’s worth it to me,” he said matter-of-factly. 

This had to be some self-sacrificing hero bullshit. Spider-man must say this to all the girls. “I believe you, Spidey, but I’m still not going to let you die for me,” Wade said. “I’ll be there for you too.” This whole conversation was turning very gay very fast. Wade was into it.

Finally Spider-man smiled again. “Good. Now that we have that settled, I need you to pull that bullet out of my ass cheek,” he said cheerfully. 

“How romantic!” Wade laughed.

****  
When Peter had agreed to go on patrol with Deadpool that night, he had no idea that the night would end with him bent over Wade’s kitchen table, sans spidey suit, with Wade trying to fish a bullet out of his left buttocks. It was awkward to say the least. 

“Ow ow ow ow!” Peter whined, biting down on his own arm. His whole body was clammy and cold. As a doctor he knew the whole situation was unsanitary and ridiculous, but Peter knew Wade had experience removing bullets and with sewing. He didn’t really want to call Tony for access to the Avenger’s doctors for a shot to his ass. That would be too embarrassing, and he knew that his super healing would have him right as rain in a couple days. Well, until he had a long nap. 

“I’m sorry, baby boy. I’ll have it out in no time,” Wade said. He had his first aid kit open, and Peter was happy to see he was using rubber gloves.  
“Oooow! Thanks for doing this, Wade, really. I know it’s not quite what you signed up for,” Peter said through gritted teeth. When he finally heard the “plink” of the bloody bullet hit the ceramic bowl on the table, he let go of the breath he had been holding. 

“Are you kidding? I never thought I’d get you outta that suit,” Wade said. “I mean I’d prefer it if you were not bleeding, and you were screaming for a completely different reason, but we can’t have it all.” Wade began rambling as he used some gauze to clean the fresh blood dripping down Peter’s leg. “This is gonna sting, baby boy,” he said sadly.

As Wade dumped a good amount of antiseptic into his wound, Peter groaned. “Ahhhh shitfuckshitfuck that hurts!” he said. 

“Let it out, baby boy. I should’ve killed that guy for daring to taint this epic poem of an ass,” he lamented. Peter felt one of Wade’s hands lightly press onto Peter’s uninjured butt cheek reverently.

“No killing!” Peter said through clenched teeth.

Wade laughed. He gathered up his suturing kit, and set to work on closing the wound. Peter stayed mostly still, knowing that it wouldn’t help matters if he squirmed. He couldn’t help the shiver that ran up his whole body. “Aw, I’m sorry you’re cold. I will get you something to wear as soon as I clean this up,” he said. Wade then used an alcohol swab to dab at the stitches before cleaning the rest of the dried blood off of Peter’s leg. “All done, Spider-babe,” Wade said, helping him to stand. 

“Thanks again, Wade,” he said, slowly hobbling over to the couch. His head was starting to feel fuzzy again. 

“Should we order a pizza?” Wade called from inside his bedroom.

“Mmmm pizza,” Peter mumbled, laying his half-masked head on the armrest. When Wade returned with a tracksuit for Peter to wear, the hero was fast asleep. 

****

October 8th 2019

Peter woke up slowly. His body felt achy, and he felt a little disoriented. He could tell that he still had his mask on, but it was rucked up so much that the hair at the back of his head was exposed. He soon realized that his cheek was pressed into something very soft and very warm. When he opened his eyes Peter saw that he had fallen asleep on Wade’s lap. His cheeks immediately heated. He saw that the man was currently dressed in a soft blue velour tracksuit with his Deadpool mask in place. His head was tilted back, and he was snoring lightly. One of his arms was resting in the middle of Peter’s back. Peter wasn’t sure who instigated the cuddle session. All he remembered was mumbling about pizza before falling asleep. Sure enough there were a couple of pizza boxes strewn on the coffee table in front of them.

“Are you wearing a velour tracksuit?” Peter asked sleepily. 

Wade slowly raised his head. “Morning, sleepy,” he said. “And, yes I am, and so are you.”

Peter looked down at his body to see a bright red velour tracksuit that swamped his smaller frame. “Old school,” Peter muttered. He didn’t have the energy currently to question when Wade had put this monstrosity on him. Frankly Peter was very grateful that Wade had taken care of him so well. It felt good. 

“Comfy,” Wade countered, stretching languidly. “You were really tired last night, eh?”

Peter sat up slowly. “It’s how I heal,” Peter said. “Obviously I don’t heal as fast as you, but I have a fairly good healing factor. I just get really tired when I’m injured. My body shuts down so I can heal faster.” Peter leaned forward and grabbed one of the old pizza slices off the table. His gunshot wound immediately pained in protest of his movements. “I’m sorry for crashing here. I don’t really remember much after you sewed me up,” Peter said sheepishly, taking a bite of the cold pizza. 

“No worries, baby boy. My door or window is always open for you. I could make you a real breakfast?” he asked, stretching languidly before standing up, and walking into the kitchen. 

“I should probably go to work,” Peter said sadly. “I’ll take a rain check on that though.” Wade brightened considerably at Peter’s words. 

“For sure! You can borrow the velour suit too. Yours is definitely out of order.”

Peter looked over at his bloody suit in a ball under Wade’s table, and had to agree with the man. He stood from the couch gingerly, and shoved another piece of pizza in his mouth before limping towards Wade’s door. “Thanks again for everything,” he said, as Wade tossed him his spidey suit. 

“If you thank me or apologize one more time, I’m going to have to give you an honorary Canadian citizenship,” Wade warned. 

Peter grinned. “See you on the weekend? I may have to postpone patrol for a few days until my ass heals,” he said.

“I’ll keep patrolling for you,” Wade said. “And if you ever need help with I don’t know, removing the stitches or washing your back just give old Deadpool a call!”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Peter closed the door so that Wade wouldn’t see his goofy smile.

 

****  
Peter was monumentally late for work. It was almost noon before he was able to hobble into the office. Even after a shower and a change of clothes at his apartment, Peter knew he looked like crap. His assistant, Jay, had already rescheduled his morning appointments for another day. Apparently he only had two appointments that day because Tuesday was his consultation with S.H.I.E.L.D. about those people Deadpool and Wolverine saved from the fire in East Harlem.

Peter was pouring over one man’s CT scans and testimonies currently. Diagnosis looked grim for him. He didn’t have any special powers or genes to speak of, and he was in very late stage brain cancer. It had spread to multiple sites in his body. Honestly, Peter was a good doctor, but he couldn’t work miracles. He let agent Fury know right away.

Fury nodded. He was clearly expecting this answer. “Yes. His cancer appears to be fairly normal. The only thing that we’re not sure of is a deformity on his... posterior.”

Peter probably could’ve lived his whole life a lot happier if he didn’t have to hear Fury say the word “posterior.”

“Ah,” he said. “So what is it?”

“I don’t know. I wish I never saw it. Tony noticed it when we were loading the survivors into rescue vehicles. He said it might be of some interest to you specifically.” Fury shrugged and shuddered. 

“Okay, I’ll take a look.” Peter walked down the hallway, and gently knocked on the patient's door. “Mr. Perez? It’s Doctor Parker.”

“Come in, Doctor. Please call me Samuel.”

Peter sauntered inside. Samuel was sitting up in a hospital bed that was near a tiny window. He sat awkwardly on one side of his body as if his backside was too painful to support his weight. His face was thin and pale, but his eyes were kind and expressive. He hadn’t received chemo for his cancer, so he still sported a full head of dark brown hair. “Hi, Samuel. I know we’ve never met, but Fury asked me to come in and talk to you.”

“Yeah, I know. He wants you to look at my butt. It’s okay. I’m not shy,” he said. 

Peter smiled a tight-lipped smile. “Good to hear.”

Samuel shifted so that his gown exposed a very real and very large spider abdomen. It looked like the lower half of a wolf spider protruding from where the man’s buttocks would’ve been. The skin was mottled brown and furry with a darker pattern in the middle. Peter couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed this on one of the survivors before.

“I wasn’t born this way. It just kind of formed after my... treatments. The doctors at the facility seemed pleased about it, but it didn’t do anything to help cure my cancer,” Samuel explained.  
Peter nodded. “No one has tried to remove it?”

“Well the doctors here said I would bleed out if they tried. I mean I don’t have much time anyway.”

“I’m sorry.” Peter suddenly felt terrible for visiting Samuel. He just felt like another useless scientist coming to gawk at him. “Can I get you anything to make you more comfortable?”

“Some fried chicken would be nice,” he said with a grin. 

“I’ll make that happen,” Peter said, taking his phone out to order some food.

When Peter exited the room, he saw Fury waiting outside with his arms crossed. “Well, what do you think?”

Peter shook his head. “Whoever did that to him must’ve been extremely skilled in genetic experimentation and manipulation. It’s one thing to splice genes from the conception of an embryo, but it’s a completely different story when you splice two existing genetic make-ups. I’d say it’s impossible if I wasn’t looking at it. Do you have any idea who’s behind this?”

“It’s all very vague. Samuel said he met with a man in a suit who claimed that their company could cure his cancer. They told him there would be pain, but that he'd live in the end. Two of the other people were told the same thing, but they're not dying. They were just homeless. Promised a bed and some food.”

Peter sighed. “Something doesn’t feel right about this. Can I talk to any of the other people involved?” he asked.

“No. They’re showing signs of extreme trauma. They don’t do well seeing new faces. We are trying to find their families,” Fury replied grimly. “The whole operation sounds similar to Weapon X, but the Weapons Plus program was shut down years ago. Apparently who’s ever leading this circus goes by the name of Zero.”

“Ah,” Peter said. Interesting. Peter stored that bit of information away to ask Wade about later. “I'll keep my eye out for anything suspicious.”

“One more thing, have you noticed that Deadpool’s back in town?”

Peter paused. It wasn’t good if Fury started trying to connect Deadpool with this incident. The last thing Wade needed was S.H.I.E.L.D. trying to blame him for something like this when he was trying to reform himself. “Yes, I knew he was back. He's my patient actually.”

Fury’s brows rose. “Oh really.”

“Yes. I think I can help him,” Peter said.

Fury grunted. “Be careful, Parker,” he said gruffly. “You don’t know what that man is capable of.”

Peter was already beginning to back out of the hallway. For some reason he felt angry that Fury was telling him how to handle Wade. Of course Fury didn’t know that he was Spider-man, but even if he did know Peter had a feeling that he would've said the exact same thing.

People always treated Wade as if he was some sort of unhinged weapon with a mouth. Wade was a man. He might be a bit unbalanced, but he was still human and deserved the same compassion and respect as anyone. Peter didn’t need other people’s advice on how to deal with Wade. Maybe his anger was a little irrational, but nothing was ever that rational when it came to Wade. “I’ll keep that in mind, Fury,” he simply said, trying to keep his tone light. 

When Peter returned to his office later that day, he found MJ asleep on the beanbag chain in the middle of the room. He smiled. She was definitely overworking herself, and deserved a rest in between all of her patients and running the whole clinic business. Peter quietly tiptoed to his desk and turned on his computer. He opened his newest research paper on his symbiotic skin grafts and starred at the words on the screen. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair; his gunshot wound was starting to itch and throb in equal measure. The words on the screen appeared fuzzy and soft, and they didn’t seem to make any sense. The permanency of his grafts was an issue that Peter was struggling to solve. He hoped the more that he thought about it, the answer would come to him in some dramatic “eureka!” moment, but realistically he knew that moment would take a lot more work and more hours at the lab. He’d have to reschedule some of his appointments so he could have some solid research days. The chair squeaked loudly as he shifted again in his computer chair and then winced at the pull of his stitches.

MJ sat up suddenly in the beanbag chair. “Okay, Parker, spill. What guy has you wincing and shifting in your chair?”

Peter stared at the woman aghast.

“Well? You can barely walk! Must’ve been a helluva fuck. I’m hurt you never mentioned it. Especially since I helped you through the rejection of that nurse last month.” MJ relaxed back into the beanbag chair, and put her hands behind her head smugly.

Peter gaped at her. “MJ, that’s not what this is,” he said, quietly. MJ knew that he was Spider-man. She found out when they were both seventeen, two year after Peter was bitten by the radioactive spider. “I was shot,” he deadpanned.

“With dick,” MJ’s voice deepened comically. 

Peter couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Soon they were both laughing so hard that they were crying. “I swear it’s a gunshot wound. Protecting innocent bystanders and all that jazz.”

MJ’s eyebrows rose. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Peter inhaled so deeply his nostrils flared. Why was this woman so good at reading him? “Well, Deadpool’s back in town,” he said nonchalantly. 

MJ sat up again. “NO WAY! You had the biggest boner for that dude a year ago, and then he just fucking left without saying good-bye!”

Peter cringed. “It’s not like he knew any of that.”

MJ shrugged. “Still a douche move. You were pretty torn up about that whole thing.”

“Yeah. I don’t know what to do about any of it really,” Peter said sadly.

MJ stroked her chin in theatrical thought. “I’m going to give you a great piece of advice that my friend Cameron always says in this kind of predicament. Either hop on the dick or get out of the picture!” 

“Cameron’s the one who directs pornos isn’t he?”

“Yes....”

Peter sighed, stood up slowly, and then flopped dramatically onto the couch beside the beanbag chair. “You remind me of him sometimes,” he muttered. 

“I’m sorry, Pete. I’m not too sure what to tell you. I mean he hurt you by leaving last time so maybe he’s not worth the risk?” MJ said.

Peter grumbled but remained silent. He knew Wade was worth it, but he didn’t have the energy to explain that to MJ currently. Plus he didn’t want her to know the degree to which his fluttery feelings for Wade resurfaced as soon as he saw the merc back in New York. He wasn’t embarrassed about crushing on Deadpool, he was just embarrassed at how hard he fell for the man. It reminded of his feelings for Gwen. And of course as soon as he began thinking about Gwen, a massive tsunami of guilt bombarded Peter right in the gut. He had visited her grave not too long ago. It had been cathartic to say the least, but he still couldn’t shake the massive amount of guilt and betrayal that clung to Peter’s newfound feelings and notions of moving on with his life.

Peter cuddled further into the couch, his hand reaching out for the soft throw blanket crumpled on the floor. All this self-loathing definitely called for a nap. He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep to the sound of MJ’s foghorn snores filling the room.

****

October 9th 2019

“You’re looking a little pale, Doc,” Wade said. This was his third appointment with the doctor. Wade was alternating applying the lotion with the damp gauze and without the gauze to get an appropriate amount of moisture on his skin, as well as letting his skin breathe. He had to admit that his skin was feeling a little better. The burning itchiness of it all was definitely subsiding.  
“I’m okay. Just maybe overworked myself at the gym yesterday,” he said. He was currently wrapping the damp gauze around Wade’s midsection.

Wade took the time to peruse the young doctor’s face. He was exceptionally pale today, and Wade could see a bluish tinge under Peter’s eyes as if he wasn’t sleeping or recovering from a black eye. Wade frowned. “Yeah those pilates classes can be brutal,” he said.

Peter hummed and then tapped him on the shoulder lightly to indicate he needed Wade to sit down on the stool behind him, so that he could reach Wade’s upper body better. “You’re really short,” Wade said as he sat down.

Peter chuckled. “I'm average height. You’re just really big,” Peter said, looking into the whites of Wade’s mask.

“Ah, well I’m sure you’re used to it, treating all those buff heroes all the time. What’s it like doctoring up Hulk? Or Thor? Or Captain America?” Wade’s voice softened and he looked as if he was going to swoon.

“Doctor patient confidentiality, you know,” Peter said with a smile. “I have to admit treating Cap does make me a little nervous.”

Wade giggled. “I can imagine.”

Peter smiled and listened as Wade began to hum a tune to fill the silence. “Okay, all done.” Peter clapped his hands on the top of Wade’s shoulders, and squeezed him gently. It didn’t hurt necessarily, but Wade tensed and winced at the same time.

“Oh gosh! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Peter said, slowly removing his hands.

“No! It’s not that,” Wade said, immediately grabbing Peter’s hands, and placing them back on his arms. “I’m just so used to people trying to kill me. It’s hard to get used to someone, you know, doing the opposite.” 

Wade watched as Peter’s big doe eyes widened. “Oh....” Peter looked as if he wanted to say more but he stopped himself.

“It’s not that I don't like it when you touch me, doctor. I startle easily is all. In fact, I love when you touch me. I love it a little too much. Ah fuck why did I say that? Why am I still talking?” Wade hung his head in shame. He still didn’t understand how the doctor was able to touch him so much without a hint of revulsion. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Peter said, lifting his hand and bringing it up to Wade's face to guide his chin back up. Wade was stunned by the fierce look of determination in Peter’s eyes. “I only ever want to help you, Wade.”

The voices in Wade's head were loud today. He didn't know what to think, he just knew that Peter was trying to be nice to him for whatever reason. “Would it be too weird if I asked you for a hug?”  
Peter, bless him, only hesitated for a second before wrapping his arms around Wade’s bandaged torso. Wade was surprised at how warm and strong the little doctor's arms felt. He wrapped his arms around Peter as well. His position on the stool allowed him to tuck his head into the crook of Peter's neck.

Wade expected it to be awkward when they finally pulled away, but Peter knew exactly what to say. “Mmm I think I needed that hug almost as much as you.” A tiny, crooked smile spread across his face. Wade tried not to sigh at how cute the doctor looked in that moment. His staticky hair stood up straight on one side, and he had a little coffee stain on the collar of his light green button up. He was just so human, and so huggable. Wade's heart and his stomach did a tiny, fluttery dance. Stop it guys! I can't fall for my doctor! That happens in way too many Hallmark movies!  
Wade coughed to cover up his silence. “Glad I could be of service, Doc.” 

****

October 13th 2019

“Ready for patrol, Deadpool?” Spider-man tentatively stuck his head and upper body through the door to the fire escape in Wade's apartment. Wade stood in the kitchen holding a bloody tea towel to the side of his face. His mask was torn as if a large cat slashed it with four massive claws.

“Come on in, Spidey! I just need a moment for this to heal.” 

“Do you want me to take a look at it?” Spider-man pulled himself in, and began stepping towards the kitchen. The cut on Wade's cheek was so deep that it went through to his mouth. It hurt like a mother fucker, but it was already healing.

“No! No no. I'm fine,” Wade said, clutching at the shreds of his mask and face, and turning away from the hero. He didn't want Spider-man to see his face, especially not like this.  
Spider-man froze in the middle of Wade's living room. “What happened?”

“Oooh nothing!” Wade's voice got a little higher as he walked the few steps to his bedroom and pulled off his mask. Wade had stupidly snuck up on Logan when he was having one of his nightmares. He slashed Wade's cheek open like a ripe mango before he was able to fling himself away.

Wade quietly grabbed another mask from his closet, careful not to wake the sleeping Wolverine in his bed. His face had stopped bleeding finally, so he was able to pull on the mask right away. Spider-man appeared in the doorway to his bedroom suddenly. “What happened to your face, Wade?” he asked too loudly.

Wade startled momentarily. “Uh just your regular domestic disturbance,” he said, looking back as his bed nervously.

Spider-man just tilted his head in confusion.

“You know.” Wade made an obscene gesture with his hands that was supposed to mimic a sleeping wolf and scratching cat, but looked more like he was jacking off a huge eggplant with both hands.

“Oh.” Spider-man's voice sounded quiet and a little embarrassed. 

Just then a deep growl sounded from Wade's bed. Wade squeaked before pushing Spidey out of his room, and closing the door quickly.

“Is someone still here?” Spider-man asked.

“Yeah. Logan's real tired from all his... you know.” Wade made the obscene gesture again.

Spider-man sighed. “Logan? Really?” He walked over to the open screen door, and jumped out onto the fire escape.

Wade shrugged. “He's not so bad when he's not using me as a personal scratching post.”

The hero huffed, and turned away from Wade. Wade wasn't sure why Spidey sounded angry. He watched as the little spider flipped backwards off the building, and landed in one of his superhero poses. So hot.

Wade made his way down the building a little less gracefully, and landed beside Spider-man. “Everything all right, Webs?”

Spider-man turned away from him. “I just really need to punch some bad guys,” he said, slinging a web to the building across the street, and taking off into the night.

“Right behind you, spider-butt!” Wade called.

****

Peter was pissed at Wolverine. He knew his anger was a little irrational given that it was partially fueled by a gnawing jealousy. But he was also angry because Wade basically admitted that the man was abusing him. It made a lot of sense for someone as damaged as Wade to stay in an abusive relationship. All the man ever knew was violence, so why would he seek something different?  
Instead of feeling sad and pitying Deadpool, Peter felt something akin to rage bubble up inside his gut. He knew he probably couldn't take Wolverine, but he could try. Just the thought of that hairy dude lying in Wade's bed made him grind his molars together. Does Logan get to see Wade without his mask? Obviously, Parker. They're fucking!

He ended up punching a car theif way too hard in the side of the ribs. “Sorry sorry sorry!” He chanted, as he began webbing a bind for the guy's ribs.

“Jeez, Webs, you're too nice sometimes,” Wade said, as they walked away from the baddie. “That whole thing reminded me of this altercation I saw at a variety store in Toronto. Never heard so many sorrys and thank-yous in my life....”

Peter was too lost in his thoughts to pay attention to Wade’s story. He thought patrol would help him burn off steam, and make him less angry about Logan. He was wrong. His jaw hurt from how hard he was clenching his teeth. “Can I come back to your place?” he asked, interrupting Wade's rambling.

The whites of the Deadpool mask widened as Wade nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, Spider-babe. Are you hungry? We could get tacos?”

Peter hummed in agreement, already planning how he was going to attack Wolverine. He’d definitely need to web up the man’s hands in a way that would prevent his claws from cutting the webbing.

When they arrived back at Wade's, Peter distracted him by unplugging the wi-fi router so that Wade would have to fiddle around to see why his Netflix wasn't working. Peter excused himself under the guise of going to the washroom, but he entered Wade's room instead. Logan wasn't in Wade's bed, but Peter's spidey sense told him that the man was in the washroom attached to the bedroom. Peter crawled onto the ceiling, and waited just above the doorway.

When Logan stepped out, Peter aimed his web perfectly so that Logan’s hand stuck right to the wall behind him. “What the fuck!?” He yelled, as Peter dropped to the ground in front of him. Logan raised his other hand just as Peter shot a web out to stick it to the wall as well. “Spider-man? What the hell are you doing? If this has anything to do with that big, red idiot leave me out of it,” he growled.

Peter crowded against Logan. “Wade is not an idiot,” Peter growled back.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking out for my friend. Just because he heals doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel pain!”

“What?”

“I want you to stop hurting Wade!” Peter said, pushing against the man’s chest. He hoped he at least sounded intimidating, and not like a petulant child.

His spidey sense flared as Logan broke free from the webs. Now it was Peter’s turn to get bodily slammed into the wall. He felt Wolverine's claws dig into his throat. “I don’t know what that freak has told you, but if I've ever laid a claw on him it’s because he deserved it!” Logan growled. Peter could see veins bulging at his temple as his anger increased. Not good.

Peter gagged as the claws pressed deeper into his throat. “You need to control your temper and stop fucking....” Whatever Peter was going to say died in his throat as he was able to slip his head away from Wolverine's claws, and tackle the man to the floor. They rolled around on the carpet, each trying to gain the upper hand. Logan scratched Peter's bicep just as Peter landed a hard punch against the man's jaw.

“Spiiiiider-babe! I know it's hard going to the bathroom in spandex, but you should be done by now!” Wade called from the hallway.

As Wade opened the bedroom door, Peter and Logan froze. Logan's claw was outstretched, ready to gouge Peter's eyes through his mask. Wolverine's thighs hugged Peter's sides tightly, so that he couldn't throw the man off of him. For such a small guy Logan weighed a lot. Wade screeched loudly. “Wolvie! This better be some kinky game instead of you trying to kill Spidey!”  
“Kinky what?!” Logan scrambled off of Peter's lap. “That's not what this is. He started it!”

Peter jumped to his feet, chest heaving. Wade slapped his hands to his cheeks. “Spidey! How could you?!”

Peter was still livid. Deep down he knew he should feel ashamed for his own violent actions, but in the moment he just wanted Logan to pay. “I know it's not my business, but I just needed to confront Logan on how he treats you,” Peter said. 

“Look, kid, I get it. You're a hero or whatever, but Deadpool is not some damsel in distress. He can handle is own shit,” Logan said.

“Yeah, Spidey, I mean Logan's okay really. What you saw earlier was definitely my fault. He doesn't usually do that much damage. Well except when I talk too much or sing. He hates The Thong Song. And one time he punctured my lung because I saw a tiny pony, and I got too excited, so obviously that was my fault too.” Wade began rambling nervously. 

His words made Peter even angrier. Of course the man would think Logan's abuse was his fault; of course he'd defend him. A grumble sounded low in Peter's chest.

“Not helping, Deadpool,” Logan said.

An image of Wade wincing at Peter's gentle touch in his office surfaced in Peter's mind. “Just because Wade is strong and capable doesn’t mean that he shouldn't have someone on his side,” Peter said weakly. Coming down from his adrenaline high, Peter started to become more aware that his neck and bicep were hurting pretty badly. Peter sighed loudly and pushed past the two men. “I should go.”

“Spidey, wait, you're bleeding,” Wade called.

Peter pulled away. He needed to get out of there. Even if Logan treated Wade like crap, it was obvious who Wade was choosing. It hurt a lot more than any of Wolverine's slashes. Peter wouldn't give up on Wade, but he'd need a different plan of attack. If he stayed any longer he'd regret his actions more than he did now. He let himself out from Wade's fire escape, not even looking back to see Wade hanging out the window and calling out to him.

****

“Webs! Come back! THE TACOS ARE COLD!” Wade wasn't even sure what just happened. He watched Spider-man scuttle quickly down his building like a scorned Romeo. 

“Did your guard spider leave?” Logan asked.

“I should go after him,” Wade said.

Logan shrugged. “He'll be okay. I didn't stab him too hard.”

Wade sighed and then slumped onto the couch. “I don't get it. One moment I was trying to set up our movie night, and the next he's trying to kill you. I swear he's not usually this moody.”

“The kid must be touched in the head just like you,” Logan growled. “That would explain his little crush on you.”

“Whaaaat? No way. Spidey is too good for me. There's no way.”

“I don't know. He just went full on alpha male for you. That kid sure has a good arm on him.” Logan's face had long since healed, but he touched his jaw in memory of Spider-man's fist.

“That's really hot.”

Logan grumbled and began backing out of the room. “Just keep your little boyfriend away from me, Bub.”

Wade sighed. He felt weirdly turned on thinking about how Spidey was defending him. Of course he didn't want Spider-man to get hurt, but it wasn't every day someone instigated a fight with Wolverine in order to protect him. Wade brushed his burgeoning erection through his suit, and thought about how he'd like to repay Spidey for his chivalry. If the moment had been a little less awkward, and Logan had left instead of Spider-man, Wade would've pushed Spidey against the wall, and dropped to his knees to thank the hero properly. Would Spidey have to stick to the wall to keep from falling over as Wade sucked his cock? Would he let Wade pull his suit off and run his hands up his abs and chest as Wade deep-throated him?

Wade hopped off the couch and ran to the bathroom. “I'm going for a looooong shower, Wolvie! Don't bother me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for reading, commenting, and giving me kudos on the last chapter. I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story. It means a lot to me.


	3. Kidnapping and Cuddling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter helps Wade again, and Wade gets to repay the favour.
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> Trigger Warnings for depictions of panic attacks, mention of suicide, violence, some blood, and medical needles.

October 15th 2019

Peter felt so embarrassed about his actions at Wade's place the other night that he didn't know whether he should avoid him altogether or to craft a formal apologetic letter. He decided on the former; however he did send Wade an apology via text on his Spider-man phone. He was decidedly not going to apologize to Logan.

Peter: I'm really sorry about the other night. I didn't mean to lose my temper like that.  
DP: No worries, baby boy! It was sexxy!  
Peter: Don't let Logan hear you say that.  
DP: HA!

Peter hadn't gone on patrol with Deadpool since that night. He wanted to work on his research to take his mind off of Wade. Unfortunately he also needed to do some research on Wade's skin so that he could come up with a treatment plan for him, so Wade was never really far from his mind.

Currently Peter was in one of the labs in Stark tower bent over a microscope. Wade’s DNA was fascinating. It seemed to be in constant fluctuation similar to Dr. Banner’s DNA only more so. Bruce’s needed stimulation to mutate, but Wade’s was constantly moving. It was no secret that Wade had cancer when he gained his powers. The constant growth of his cells was similar to the rapid growth of cancer cells. Peter could see that the cancer wasn’t a part of all of Wade’s epidermis cells. There were some normal cells mixed in with the abnormal cells. 

The more painful-looking reddish grooves of Wade’s skin were made up of mostly exposed muscle tissue with only a thin layer of epidermis covering it. The myocytes were devoid of the mutated cancer cells, Peter noted. That explained why those parts of Wade’s skin didn’t heal properly. Wade had mentioned before that his power was “unbridled cancer,” and that it was the main cause of his deformities and the pain. Peter wondered if there was a way to introduce an element to Wade’s skin that would stimulate it to heal in the right places.

Peter’s current work on symbiotic skin grafts might actually be a good fit for Wade, but they were still in their experimental phase, and Peter knew Wade wouldn’t trust an experiment on his skin. Peter’s time with Venom, the alien symbiote, had been brief, but it had given him a lot of interesting medical ideas. The way the alien was able to absorb and repel bullets shot at Spider-man, as well as their ability to aid in Peter’s healing from internal and superficial wounds was a major plus side of having the alien partially take over his brain and body. It reminded him a lot of Shuri’s work with the vibranium in Black Panther’s suit, and how she used the metal to heal people from potentially fatal wounds.  
It took a couple years but eventually Peter was able to replicate an organic skin-like substance that mimicked the properties of Venom and vibranium. Peter discussed his work with Shuri over the phone often. She was invaluable to Peter's discovery, and provided many helpful solutions on Peter's earlier problem of how to get the grafts to bond to any host regardless of their mutant or human genes. He planned to give her all the credit she was due in his publications. 

“Remember, Dr. Parker, the vibranium atoms aren't just compatible with the tissue cells, they bind to them. You have to discover a way for them to bind to a host permanently as well as mimic or camouflage to that person's skin tone and properties. Not everyone can walk around wearing the Black Panther suit.” Peter recalled Shuri saying.  
He was really surprised that Shuri even gave him the time of day considering that Wakanda was so private. However, Peter did a lot of work during his internship at Stark Tower on medical 3D printers on a minuscule scale. Shuri had been interested in his printers at the time as they helped her solve a problem with shrinking down and multiplying her more lethal weapons.

Peter tore at his hair. He already had two different artificial cells in the graft. He was surprised that they even bonded together, but how could he get them to bond to human skin?

“Dr. Parker. How is your research coming along?”

Peter startled. His spidey sense hadn't alerted him of Dr. Banner's presence. “Honestly? It's terrible. I haven't been able to think of a way to get the grafts to bond permanently. I've been at this standstill since last April. I tried starting over, but I don't think that's the answer.”

Banner sat on the stool beside Peter's. “I’m not sure where you are in your research, but I always found that looking outside my current sphere of thought helped. Even though I have a degree in biochemical engineering sometimes my greatest work happened when I combined my biochemistry research with physics.”

Peter smiled sadly. “So you're saying I should get a physics degree?

Banner laughed. “Well it wouldn’t hurt.”

“I will definitely go back to school once I officially pay off all my student debt, but for now I need to focus on this research. It’s becoming more time sensitive.”

Banner nodded and stood from his stool. “Just don't forget to explore even the craziest of possibilities. Sometimes we forget to work with what’s right in front of us.”

Peter nodded absentmindedly. Whatever Banner was saying didn't make much sense. It felt similar to that crushing feeling of failure when he decided to start over at the beginning of the summer. Peter stood up to get another coffee. If he was going to focus on this project for the long haul then he'd need a lot more caffeine.

****

October 21st 2019

Wade was beginning to feel a little stir-crazy. It had been a month since he killed someone. He missed the smell of gunsmoke, and the sound his katanas made as they lopped limbs off. He missed throwing his knives, and the satisfying “squelch” they made when they landed in an eye socket. 

Wade knew he was a killer. That's all he ever really knew. His past life was a major blur after Weapon X. Wade Wilson loved killing, but if he took that away who was he? He went on patrol with Spider-man, and often people called him a hero. But he didn't really know what a hero felt like.

Today was a really bad day. Wade threw a knife in the wall behind his couch. He couldn't sit still or fall asleep, so he paced and paced. His head felt so heavy and so fucking loud.

“What the fuck am I doing?!”

You’re out of control.

You’re a loser.

A failure.

An impostor. 

The voices in Wade’s head were relentless. Wade smacked his head against the wall in hopes that it would make them stop, or at least make him pass out for a while.

Logan’s not your friend.

Peter is just nice to you because you pay him. He’d give up on you too if he knew how messed up you were. 

Spider-man....

The voices didn’t know what to make of Spider-man. There was no way someone so perfect could ever have a crush on Wade, no matter how jealous or nice he acted.

You don’t deserve him anyway.

You don’t even deserve that last bullet in your gun.

He took another dagger from his belt and threw it at the wall. 

“Fuck fuck fuckety fuck!”

He threw a couch cushion at his sewing table near the front door. The Spider-man plushie he was making last week fell to the ground, and some of its filling spilled out. “Ah Spidey!” Wade said bitterly. He picked it up and squished it in his palm. The plushie’s mashed in face looked up at him sadly. For some reason seeing this pathetic, squashed spider was what pushed Wade over the edge. He fell to the ground and began sobbing.

Wade didn’t know how long he was on the floor for. He just knew he was spiraling out of control. When he finally stopped crying, his head felt so dizzy, and disoriented. His mask was soaked with tears and crusted with boogers, but he couldn’t bring himself to take it off. He realized he heard a sound coming from one of his pockets. The X-files theme song was what he used for the ringtone of Dr. Parker’s phone number. Not that the doctor had ever called him before. He added the number into his phone when he stole the doctor’s phone all those weeks ago, and Peter had mentioned that he really enjoyed watching old episodes of X-files. Wade ignored the call, but it just began ringing again, and again, and again. He considered throwing the thing at the wall, but his anger had somewhat cooled.

“Deadpool here,” he answered, his snotty mask muffling his voice.

“Hi, Mr. Wilson. It’s Dr. Parker calling. You missed our appointment this afternoon, I just wanted to know if you were okay?”

“Ahhh, shit. I forgot.”

“Everything okay, Wade?”

“Just peachy!” Wade’s voice raised an octave.

“Are you hurt? What happened? Did someone hurt you?” Peter’s voice sounded urgent.

Wade was surprised that Peter could already sense that something was wrong with him. “Just having a bad day. One of my spirals. Can’t seem to shake it.”

“I’ll be right over,” Peter said.

“Don’t bother, Doc. Even if I kill myself I’ll just come back,” Wade comforted. 

“I said I’ll be right there!” Peter yelled into the receiver. “Just stay on the phone with me.”

Wade could hear sounds of loud footfalls, traffic, people talking loudly on the streets. He heard Peter jostle a few people, and their colourful responses to him. Is he running all the way from Midtown? It sounds like he’s running. “Peter, baby, calm down,” Wade called into the receiver. “Don’t get hit by a car.” Wade’s energy was fading. He laid down on the carpet, and put the phone beside him. He assumed Peter had gotten in a cab, because he couldn’t hear any people, but the did hear the occasional pigeon.

****

Peter let himself in through the fire escape door. He had changed back into plain clothes from an old backpack stashed in the alley adjacent to Wade’s building. He found the man slumped to the ground near the front door. Wade clutched a smashed Spider-man plushie in one hand, and had the other holding his chest as if it hurt.  
Peter fell to his knees beside Wade. He’d been so focused on his research that he hadn’t had time to talk to Wade in a while. “Wade?” Peter put his warm hand on Wade’s back, and the man jerked as if he was burned.

“Pete? How did you know where I live?” he asked. 

“Shhh. Let’s get you off the floor.” Peter pulled Wade to his feet, and led him to the couch. He retrieved the cushions Wade threw earlier, and put them back in place. “How about a cup of hot cocoa?” he asked touching the side of Wade’s wet, masked cheek fondly.

Wade nodded, marveling at the doctor’s gentleness.

Peter came back a few minutes later with a steaming mug and a wet washcloth. “It’s for your face. Your eyes are probably sore from crying,” he said from experience. It sounded like Wade could barely breathe through his snotty mask, but Peter knew that he wouldn't want to remove it. Especially when he was at his most vulnerable.  
Wade hesitated, but then decided to just pull the mask off. “I won't blame you if you decide to leave,” he warned.

Peter kept his face neutral. He often wished to see Wade's face when they hung out after patrol, but he never expected Wade to reveal himself when Peter couldn't reciprocate. But now it was happening, and the Spider-man in him couldn't help but feel a little jealous of himself; and that was just hella confusing.

Peter's breath caught in his throat. Wade was beautiful. Sure he was scarred all over, just like the rest of his body, but he had a strong jaw, pink pouty lips, and high cheekbones. The swirls and ridges of his scars were an angry red in some places, probably from his mask chafing his skin. Peter could tell Wade had been moisturizing his face like he asked, because there wasn't a hint of the irritated dryness Peter observed on the rest of Wade’s body during their first appointment. Wade had his eyes squeezed shut, as if he was scared at what Peter’s reaction was going to be. 

Peter tsked loudly when he saw the bloodied spot on Wade’s forehead. He brought the washcloth to his skin, and Wade leaned into the doctor’s touch. “What happened here?”  
“Hit my head on the wall,” he mumbled. When Wade finally opened his eyes, Peter’s cheeks coloured and his heartbeat quickened. The saddest, bluest eyes stared up at him. He’d always been a sucker for blue eyes. Wade’s looked like a crystal clear pond with just the hint of a sunlight shining around his iris.

“Wow you’re attractive,” Peter deadpanned and then slapped a hand over his mouth. Stupid, Parker. Keep your horny thoughts to yourself. “Sorry! Didn’t mean to say that out loud!”

“Heh, you're not so bad yourself, Doc.” Wade’s smile was a little grim as if he thought Peter was mocking him.

Not sure how to fix the awkwardness, Peter decided to forge ahead and make it worse. “I should just call you blue eyes from now on.” Peter moved the cloth over Wade's cheeks and nose to scrub away his dried tears and snot.

Wade swallowed audibly. “Do you usually hit on your patients or am I just special?”

Peter winced. He knew it was wrong to hit on Wade when he was in such a vulnerable state. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Shucks. I'm just messing with you. I know you’re just being nice. It’s not every day I have a gorgeous man on my couch wiping my snot,” Wade said.

Peter smiled. “So, do you know what caused your attack this time?” he asked.

“I’m getting restless. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I miss killing people. I’m trying to be better, but some days I just don’t even know why I try. I feel like an impostor when I help Spider-man on his patrols.”

Peter felt a rush of guilt. He knew he wasn’t going on enough patrols with Deadpool. His research was going late into the night lately, and he barely had enough time to get four hours of sleep before work in the morning. Nevertheless, he felt terrible that his oversight was hurting Wade. He immediately resolved to invite him on more patrols regardless of how little sleep he was getting. “I’m glad you’re trying to kill less, Wade. That’s a huge step. When you’re used to a certain lifestyle it’s difficult to change.”

“It’s too bad there isn’t a Murderers’ Anonymous group near here. Although too many murderers in the same room is either the beginning of a bad idea or a bad jazz song,” Wade said.

Peter’s mouth twitched, but he continued speaking. “Impostor syndrome is also normal. When I went to medical school most of my cohort experienced it to some degree. We just have to stop comparing ourselves to other people and do the best we can with what we have. You’ve gone through a lot of trauma; no one expects you to get better overnight.” Peter hoped something he was saying would help Wade, but he wasn’t too sure. “It’s okay to have bad days sometimes. We just have to find healthy ways to cope with our feelings.”

Wade sniffed and nodded. 

Peter took a deep breath. “Do you want me to run you a bath? That might help you relax.”

“Okay.” Wade grabbed the cloth from him as Peter stood up, and blew his nose noisily into it.

Once Peter finished running the bubble bath, and Wade stood in the middle of the bathroom, Peter turned to leave. Wade caught his arm. “Will you stay?”

Peter's eyes widened just as Wade began backtracking. “Not in the bath, but just here, in the apartment? We could watch a movie when I’m done?”

Peter was about to agree when Wade interrupted him. “That was a stupid thing to ask. Of course you’re busy. You skipped out on work for my useless carcass.” He raised a hand as if he was going to hit himself in the face. 

Peter caught his hand before it made contact. “Yes, I'll stay. Now stop that and get into the bath,” he said firmly.

Wade’s nostrils flared as he breathed deeply, but then acquiesced with a nod.

“Oh, and, Wade? You’re definitely special. I don’t wipe just anyone’s snot,” Peter said with a grin.

****

This boy was going to be the death of Wade. His cheekiness and his light flirting was somewhat unexpected, but Wade knew that the doctor had a sense of humour from their previous appointments. Peter was actually pretty funny, and he always knew what to say to make sure Wade felt comfortable. It was Peter's light blush high on his cheeks today that told Wade that his flirting was not a joke. Wade sighed.

When Wade finished his bath, he contemplated putting his Deadpool suit back on, but then decided on some pyjama pants and a black t-shirt. He considered the kaftan on the back of his door before slipping it on and leaving it open in the front. If Peter could stand to see his bare skin during their appointments, seeing Wade in the sheer, floral kaftan would probably not scare him away.

Wade hadn't been gone too long, but when he returned to the living room he saw Peter stretched out on his couch fast asleep. One of the man's legs hung off of the couch, and his shirt was rucked up to expose a section of his toned stomach. Wade knew that Peter worked out, but now he could really see that Peter was very muscular for how tiny and harmless he appeared. He must’ve sensed Wade staring at him, because he slowly blinked awake and looked up at Wade. A tiny grin spread across his face. “Hey there,” he said.

“Sleepy?” Wade asked.

Peter rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Yeah. I'm probably overworking myself in the lab. Even so I always feel guilty when I fall asleep.”

“Well consider this a break,” Wade said. “Sometimes even super geniuses need to recharge.” Now that Peter mentioned his lack of sleep, Wade saw the more pronounced purple circles under the doctor's doe eyes. Peter scooted over so Wade could sit on the other end of the couch. It didn't escape him how Peter's eyes watched his body with interest. Or maybe he was wondering why Wade was wearing a ladies’ kaftan.

One of Peter's socked feet grazed the side of Wade's leg. “I like your robe,” he said.

“It's actually a kaftan, but thanks,” Wade said. He was too focused on the minuscule amount of touch that Peter probably didn't even realize he was bestowing upon Wade. It felt different than when Peter applied lotion to his skin at the office. This felt domestic. Wade sighed again.

There was a stretch of silence just long enough to be uncomfortable. “Is this weird? Should I go? I know people don't usually have their doctors over to hang out,” Peter said.

Wade threw his arm over the back of the sofa. “It's nice to have someone here,” he said.

Peter nodded. “Maybe it would be less weird if we just pretend I'm not your doctor? Like if we’re just friends.”

“Ooooh like roleplaying, but in a less sexy way!”

Peter laughed. “Yeah, exactly.”

“I can do that, baby boy. No problem. So should we make some pancakes?” 

Peter's eyes lit up. “Yes please!”

****  
The next hour found Peter and Wade stuffing their faces with massive amounts of the fluffiest pancakes Peter had ever eaten. “These are the best pancakes I've ever had.”  
Wade preened at the praise. “My secret is baking soda in the batter. Also don't mix them up too much. But the pièce de résistance is this.” He gestured to the glass bottle of golden brown pure Canadian maple syrup that was now almost empty. “It makes everything better.”

Peter grinned. Watching Wade work in the kitchen with his floral kaftan billowing around him made Peter happy. Wade was definitely in his element. 

“Whatchu lookin at, Pete?”

Wade caught him staring. Crap. “Uhhh it's nice to see you like this.” He decided was safe to say. It was nice to see Wade without his mask and suit. His tight t-shirt also gave Peter an eyeful of Wade’s muscles and those arms that featured in many of his dreams. The kaftan was also so very Wade. Peter was practically drooling before he realized that Wade was staring at him. Those bright blue eyes meeting his immediately made him blush for the umpteenth time that day.

Wade didn’t say anything for a moment. But an unmistakable leer spread across his face. “Shall we go watch a movie?” he asked.

Peter nodded, trying to hide his burning cheeks. They sat on opposite ends of the loveseat, as Wade chose a movie on Netflix. The movie was only on for about half an hour before Peter began to fall asleep again. Peter’s head began to dip and his body began shifting slowly so that he ended up with his head pressed against Wade’s chest. Wade hummed in contentment, letting his arm rest along the tired doctor’s shoulders.

****

October 30th 2019

“Woah! Are you a superhero? Dr. Peter always knows the coolest people!”

“I’m not really a superhero. More like an antihero with a heart of gold. Kind of like Walter White, but with less meth and more mouth.” He looked over to see an alarmed look on Peter’s face. “Uhhh, but don’t do drugs, kids,” he faltered lamely.

To Wade’s great surprise he began volunteering at the youth clinic that Peter had told him about, and he loved it. All of the kids there were so screwed up in their own perfect ways, and he just loved them more for it. A lot of them were from the LGBTQ2 community, and that made it a lot easier for Wade to commiserate with them, and talk about his own experiences growing up queer. And if he was also going because he got to see Peter a little bit more, well then no one had to know. 

Peter only had time to volunteer a few times a month, but he made sure that he did his part. Today they were holding their fundraiser for the shelter. Everyone was selling homemade items and baked goods. Peter was selling some snazzy signed pictures of various superheroes. Wade noticed that Spider-man featured a lot in the shiny prints. He didn’t say anything about them to Peter, but he noticed the curious blush that suffused the doctor’s cheeks when Wade bought a signed poster of Spidey for twice what he was asking for it. Not to be outdone, Wade also wanted to sell something. So he brought some of the tea cozies, plushies, and oven mitts that he had created.  
“Deadpool, these are fantastic!” Ellie said. She was a tiny goth girl who had started coming to the shelter a few months ago.

“Yeah, man, these are top quality oven mitts,” Trevor agreed. He was a regular to the shelter, but was just starting to get back on his feet.

Wade gushed. “Awwww thanks! I can show you how to make them sometime?”

“I’m not much of a crocheter. But I’m pretty sure Dr. Parker would love a lesson from you.” Trevor said, gazing across the room at Peter. Wade looked over as well and saw Peter quickly look away. He began to busy himself arranging an already neat stack of prints.

“I don’t think Pete is much of a crocheter either, but I do know he’s good with his hands,” Wade said.

Ellie and Trevor’s mouths dropped open. “I knew it!” Ellie said.

“You guys are doing it?” Trevor asked.

“No, no, no, guys! He’s just my doctor. Doctors need steady hands,” Wade backtracked. 

“Your Doctor?” Ellie looked at him quizzically.

“It’s not like that,” Wade said. “I mean not that I would mind, but I can’t see Pete wanting to bang a dude who looked like a desiccated scrotum that went through a food processor.”

Ellie and Trevor frowned at him. “You’re just being a fucking chicken shit. That boy is crushing on you hard,” she said.

Wade looked up at Peter again, and caught him staring full out this time. Nervously Peter looked away, and then ended up dropping a stack of his smaller prints on the floor. Curious. He looked down at the cluster of Spider-man plushies on his table. “But what about Spidey? He’s my soulmate. His butt is to die for!”

Trevor snorted. “This is cute and all,” he said gesturing to the plushies. “But it’s just a fantasy, Deadpool. Dr. Parker is a real man, and he definitely likes you. Have you seen the way his eyes soften and he gets all tongue-tied when he talks to you? It would be sickening if it wasn’t so fucking adorable.”

“Yes, and I really don’t think Spider-man’s ass has anything on Dr. Parker’s,” Ellie giggled.

Wade looked over and saw Peter bending down to pick up his prints. Ellie was definitely right. Wade sighed dreamily as he stared at the perfect globes that was his doctor’s butt. “When did a couple of horny teenagers get smarter than me?”

“We were always smarter, Deadpool.” Trevor laughed.

****

November 4th 2019

Peter had just finished up his appointment with Wade. He felt bad that he didn’t have a solution to the man’s pain yet, but he had to admit that Wade’s skin was looking better. It was definitely less dry and Wade even said that he felt a lot less of the burning sensation and itchiness. Peter really hoped Wade wasn’t just saying that to make him feel better. Wade seemed really concerned about the lack of sleep Peter was getting. He kept commenting on the bags under his eyes and his general paleness. Peter would just laugh off the comments, and apologize for his ugliness, but really he felt warm and happy that Wade was concerned about his well-being.

Peter barely had time to make a quick coffee in the lunchroom before another client arrived. It was actually Natasha. He’d been seeing her at least every month for a corrosive burn on her shoulder and bicep that wasn’t healing properly. It was unfortunately caused from acidic substance that the alien race Krozzar use as a weapon. Peter had a vial of it in his lab, and he determined that it was an organic substance that the Krozzar secrete out of their scaly skin as a defense mechanism similar to a snake’s venom or a toad’s poison. Wounds caused from the acid tended to resist healing and the usual forms of treatment. The Widow was one of the unlucky few to get splashed with the acid during the last Krozzar invasion. Peter was trying to help her with his new skin graft, but the effect wasn’t permanent. Each graft only lasted up to five weeks.

When Peter walked into his office with his steaming coffee Nat was already waiting for him. “Hey, gorgeous. Miss me?” she asked.

Peter smiled and shut the door to his office. “Considering we just saw each other two days ago, I’d have to say no.” Peter sat down at his desk.

“You wound me, Parker,” Nat said. “So I need another application of your skin graft. The other one is dissolving. The pain is becoming unbearable.” Nat’s face was unreadable. Peter knew that Nat prided her strength and her high pain tolerance. It must’ve been difficult for her to admit she was in this much pain.

“Of course. Let me just get my supplies,” Peter said, standing again.

When Peter returned to the room with his kit, Nat was sitting on his couch with her burned arm and shoulder exposed. Peter saw that it looked just as bad as when he first treated her. It was shaped like large Rorschach inkblots, splotchy and angry red, almost bloody, and shiny as if it was weeping macrophage. Peter tsked when he saw it. “You should have come in earlier, Nat.”

“I’m here now,” she deadpanned.

Peter didn’t waste any time taking out the jar of his symbiotic skin graft. It resembled a spray can only the nozzle was larger. He sprayed a generous amount of it onto Nat’s burn. Its consistency appears similar to shaving cream as it initially looks gel-like before turning the skin paper-white, and then spreading out to encompass the whole wound. Peter was very proud of the fact that it only took about a minute for the graft to fully assimilate to the patient's skin tone.

Nat watched as the graft did its work. “I can’t believe how fast it works. I feel amazing already. You really need to get it approved and publish that paper, Peter.”

“It’s not perfect. I just want the grafts to be permanent before I submit anything.”

“Even so, this could help a lot of people,” Nat said, pulling her shirt back over her shoulder.

“Technically these treatments are still illegal,” Peter said. “This substance is still in its experimental phase. It hasn’t been approved for human use. That will take a while.”

Nat rolled her eyes. “Get on it, Parker. I have a bet with Bruce about how many awards you’re going to win for this.”

Peter laughed. “I’m doing my best. I would like to get a better look at the graft in its early stages again. Are you free to come in a few days? Maybe Friday?”

“Does 9 o’clock work for you?”

“That’s perfect,” Peter said.

****

November 7th - November 8th 2019

Today was a pretty average day for Peter. He woke up early to a call from the Avengers. They needed help dispatching an infestation of Druffs, fuzzy alien vermin that replicate in threes when struck with force. It was delicate work, but Peter was able to help web them together, so that they could await proper extermination. He was done before ten o’clock which allowed him the rest of the day for his research. 

Lately he’d been working late into the night, only really sleeping when his body physically gave up. He knew it was unhealthy, but he felt as if he was nearing his “eureka” moment. He just needed more time. It was hard to balance his research with his need to go on patrol. He made sure to always go at least four times a week. Wade usually accompanied him on his patrols now. It was as if they just easily fell back into the same routine they had before Wade left.

Peter could tell that Wade was also grateful for the time that they spent together. Little did the man know, that most of Spider-man’s waking hours were dedicated to thinking about Wade. When he wasn’t focused on developing a treatment for the man, then Peter was fantasizing about what it would take for Wade to forget his own name along with his pain. It involved a lot of love-making and maybe a little bit of body worship. Peter was trying to control his feelings for the man, but Wade didn’t make it easy with all of his flirting and touching.

Peter’s lust was only eclipsed by the desire to do right by the man. He wanted Wade to be happy and healthy. Often when they were on patrol together, Peter’s mind wouldn’t stop working on the next step in his experiment. Peter knew Deadpool could sense his distraction. The man had stepped in the way of more than one bullet and punch that Spider-man was too distracted to see coming. Wade didn’t ask why he was off his game, but Peter knew that he wanted to say something about it. He couldn’t give too much away, so he just told Deadpool that he hadn’t been sleeping lately, which wasn’t exactly a lie.

Peter’s research was going a lot better than he anticipated. He took Banner’s advice on introducing another element to the skin graft. He was trying to introduce Wade’s skin cells into the the cellular makeup of the graft. His theory was that if the patient’s own cells were part of the graft, then it would be more likely to adhere permanently to their skin. Peter also created a separate treatment with Nat’s DNA in it to see if her cells would bond with the graft as well. It was really such a simple solution, given the nature of how normal skin grafts worked. He was so excited that he lost track of time again. It was nearing 3AM when he fell asleep at his desk and contaminated one of his samples, so he decided to call it quits for the night.

Peter must’ve been entirely exhausted, because he didn’t realize that someone had been following him until it was too late. He was a few blocks away from Stark Tower when he was pulled into a dark alley. His spidey sense flared to almost incapacitating degree. He blinked into the darkness blearily. “Who’s there?” he called. He really wished that he at least had his web shooters on him. Patting his pockets, Peter quickly realized that he must've forgot his phone at the lab. “Shit!” 

Peter staggered as something struck his neck. At first he thought it was a thrown knife, but the wound wasn’t bleeding. And then his neck began to throb and sting in equal measure. His vision began to blur, and just as was about to lash out at the hulking shape in front of him, something clamped onto his whole body from shoulders to feet. Peter only had time to wonder why this body bind they put him in had pointy, hairy legs like a tarantula, before he was falling quickly into a poison-induced sleep.  
So, yeah, today was a pretty average day in the life of Dr. Peter Parker.

****

When Peter awoke he noticed that his body was wrapped in what looked like his own webs. On closer inspection, he realized these webs seemed to be made of a more organic substance, as if they were real spider webs. Thrashing from side to side, Peter was trying to find out why his spidey sense began flaring to a painful level. And then he noticed the man-sized spider sitting in the corner of the ceiling above his head. He screamed and started fighting against the webs harder, but they seemed even more immovable than his own. 

A cruel, high-pitch laugh reverberated around the room. “Don’t bother. A mutant couldn’t even break through those webs let alone a mere man, doctor.”  
Peter’s head snapped back and forth, trying to determine where the voice came from. And then with growing horror, he realized the massive spider was the one who was talking. He was horrified to realize that in the place of a normal spider’s mouth orifice this spider possessed a humanesque mouth full of serrated teeth.  
“ZERO! He’s awake!” she shrieked.

“What is going on?” Peter called. The insides of the room looked like a dilapidated office space. The windows were dirty and broken and Peter could see that the sun was just starting to rise, meaning he'd been unconscious for over three hours. The only other light in the room came from a tiny lamp in the corner. Peter almost wished the place was dark, so he didn’t have to see the light bulb reflected into the spider’s many eyes. With her wide grin and overlarge teeth she reminded Peter of an even more fucked up version of the Cheshire cat. He needed to get out of there now.

He heard a door open, and saw a person slink inside. They wore black spandex with the pattern of a rudimentary skeleton on it, and a metal mask covering the upper part of their face. Peter could see that the person’s skin underneath the mask was pale and looked as if it was made of over cooked spaghetti that was loosely glued together. The ridges and swirls of their flesh were twisted in a way that left dark holes in their face that shifted when they talked. 

“What is going on? What are you doing?” Peter struggled against the webs.

“My dear doctor, don’t you know who I am?” The person’s wide mouth slowly spread into something resembling a smile. Their teeth were elongated and black around the edges as if they'd been eating coal.

Peter struggled harder against the webs. He was able to position his hands in a way that allowed him to pick at the webs slowly so that they began to unravel behind his back. “I'm assuming you're not a hero, so you must be a zero?” Peter said lamely. He needed to get this Zero person distracted, so that they didn't notice the webs unraveling.

“That’s Patient Zero to you, Parker.” Peter saw their black eyes narrow through the confines of the mask. “I have developed an advanced way to splice insect and human DNA to create masterpieces in organic weaponry.” Patient Zero gestured to the spider on the ceiling. If a spider could look proud she definitely did.

“Organic weaponry? You mean you're using people to advance your own scientific curiosity?” Peter growled.

“I'm creating better mutants. The world has too many heroes. There’s only so much that muscle and guns can do. But insects? There’s a whole well of untapped potential there. If only they were bigger and smarter.” Wade saw Zero’s beady eyes light up again, and their blackened teeth came out to play.

Peter couldn’t deny that insects did have very cool super powers, however Zero’s actions were completely unethical. “Human experimentation is wrong,” Peter said.

“Mmm yes. But that doesn't mean we scientists don’t dabble in the dark arts sometimes, does it, doctor?”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Peter said.

Zero let out a squeaky laugh that sounded like air escaping a balloon painfully slowly. It made the hair on the back of Peter’s neck stand up straight. “I know about your failed experiments on the Widow. That was definitely a no no!” Zero clapped their hands together excitedly, and pranced from side to side. “I know about your genetic meddling too, Parker. You’re not too different from me when it comes down to it.”

“What the fuck? How do you know any of that?” Peter tried to recall if anyone had been eavesdropping on his meetings with Nat in his office.

Zero mimed typing at a computer. “Hacking. Old past time. Your encryption has some bugs, and not the good kind,” they giggled. Abruptly the giggling stopped. “Anyways! What I need from you, Parker, is help creating a rapid genetic splicing machine. My methods take longer than I hoped, but I have plans that would use your 3D printing tech to accelerate my processes and maybe even clone the successes.”

“I have to admit that does sound intriguing,” Peter said. He was only humoring Zero while he had time to unravel enough of the webs to escape without anyone noticing.  
“ZERO, WATCH OUT!” the spider screamed.

Her voice was shrill, but Peter tried to tune it out, as he broke free from the webbing and lunged at Patient Zero. They slammed into the wall across from the spider, and Peter was a little unnerved hear a crackling, crunching noise emanate from Zero’s body. It reminded him of snapping dry ramen noodles, or the crunch of the exoskeleton when you kill an insect. Ugh.

“That venom should’ve paralyzed you for at least three more hours!” Zero whined. “Missy, get him!”

Just as Missy was about to jump on Peter’s back, he turned quickly, swung his leg high into the air, and kicked her in the cephalothorax. Her body went flying into the adjacent wall. Peter watched as the spider landed awkwardly on its side and lay unmoving. His spider sense flared as he turned back to Zero. They brandished what looked like a retractable cattle prod. A blue string of electricity zapped between the two prongs. Peter backed away from them with his hands up. “I don't know where that came from, but please tell me we're using safe words tonight.”

Zero snarled. “Enough, Parker. Are you going to help me with my plans? Or do I have to make you?”

Peter couldn't help himself. He laughed out loud. “You can’t force someone to perform complex scientific research. It doesn't work that way!”

Peter really should have seen it coming, as Zero lashed out immediately with the cattle prod. Peter felt it connect with his skin, and he went rigid as his muscles seized in pain. He had experienced a taser before, and it was a fight he lost. This time it was no different. His body jerked as he fell to the floor. When the sizzling pain stopped, Peter tried to stand, but the pain and the jerking began again. Finally when Zero lifted the prod off of him, Peter stood up on shaky legs.

“Well, well, well, doctor, you must be a little special yourself. This would've definitely had a normal man begging for mercy, or choking on their own spit.” Zero giggled.

Peter could only shake his head. He didn't want to give away his identity, but he also didn't trust Zero with his body if he passed out again. His whole body was tensed up, expecting a shock at any moment. “Aggghhhh!” he couldn't help but cry out as his body hit the floor again. His head fell forward against the dirty linoleum, and he watched his legs twitch and jerk with each electrical current that went through them. 

I wish this would end.

I wish I was dead.

Why can't I fight this?

Am I really this helpless?

Peter couldn't help the barrage of negative thoughts cloud his need for self-preservation. Deep down he knew he was strong enough, but the pain was something else entirely. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he just gave into the darkness swimming around the edges of his vision. At least the pain would stop....

****

When Peter came to for the second time that day, he could hear the sounds of a fight going on somewhere near him. His left cheek was pressed into a cold, damp floor, and his head felt as if it weighed as much as the Brooklyn bridge. He just didn’t have enough strength to sit up. His heartbeat felt irregular, and he could smell his own blood trickling out of his nose. Ugh.

“You’re the real human centipede?! I always thought that was just a movie! Oh. M. Gee. I would totes get your autograph if I didn’t have to kill you!” Peter heard Deadpool’s voice scream from the other side of the door, and then he heard a wet sound as if Wade was slicing up a massive tomato.

Peter heard more sounds of a scuffle, and the sound of a woman’s voice. “Ugh these cockroaches won’t die. Kind of reminds me of someone.”

“Hey!”

“Deadpool?” Peter called. “Nat?!”

“Peter? Are you in there? I’m coming in, baby boy.”

From Peter’s current location on the floor he could see Missy positioning her massive girth in front of the doorway just as a red-clad Wade Wilson busted the door off of its hinges. Peter could still hear Natasha in the hallway, probably dispatching whatever guards Zero left outside.

“Be careful, Wade!” Peter tried to warn him just as Missy jumped forward with her fangs bared.

“Hey, Aragog! Long time no see! Now that Rowling killed you off, you’re probably looking for some work.”

“Imbecile, I will eat your head!”

“Oooooh so you’re Shelob. Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Missy jumped onto Wade's chest and sunk her fangs into his neck. Wade screamed girlishly, and grabbed both sides of the spider and threw her off. She landed on the other side of the room out of Peter’s line of sight. He heard the familiar sound of Wade unsheathing his katanas as he began advancing on Missy.

“Eeeeek that was super gross, but I still got a weird boner from it.”

Peter was finally able to push himself into a sitting position just in time to see Wade lop two of Missy’s legs off.

“Wade, please don’t! She’s still human....”

Wade glanced over at Peter. “Who did that to your face, Pete? Looks like you've been tortured.” The whites of his Deadpool mask narrowed suspiciously.

“It wasn't her,” Peter said. “It was Patient Zero.”

Wade looked around the room before focusing again on Missy. “They must’ve disappeared when we tracked you here. There was just some giant pests outside the door that the Widow and I exterminated.”

Peter flinched. “Patient Zero made them. They used to be human. Zero turned them into monsters.”

“Don't you dare speak about Zero that way!” Even with two legs missing Missy was able to leap out from behind Wade and land right in front of Peter.

Peter’s spidey sense was muted after all of the assault on his senses that night, but even if it had functioned properly he still didn’t possess enough energy to fight back. Striking faster than a snake, Missy latched onto Peter’s forearm with her horrifyingly serrated mouth orifice. Peter saw blood well up and drip onto his shirt. A hot pain tore up his arm. “AHHH!” he screamed as Missy’s teeth sunk further into his flesh. Using what was left of his super strength, Peter tried to pull his arm away but it only succeeded in tearing his flesh more and bringing Missy closer to his face.

“Peter!” Wade lunged forward, katans drawn. Missy barely had time to register Wade’s presence behind her, before he sliced her into three different pieces.  
Peter blanched as the dead spider segments rolled off of his lap. “Oh no,” he said weakly. His face and arms were splattered with Missy’s blood. It was red. “Wade, her blood is red.” Peter looked down at his hands where both of their blood had mixed together.

Wade dropped to his knees beside Peter and reached out for him. Peter flinched away and closed his eyes shut tight. He wasn’t going to panic, he just hated that more people had to die for such pointless reasons. “I won’t hurt you, Pete, just let me see your arm,” Wade said gently.

When Peter opened his eyes. he saw Wade’s hands hovering over his injury nervously. “I’m okay,” Peter said, turning his arm over so Wade could inspect the damage. Wade snorted and shook his head.

“Right. Don’t expect me to start ripping my suit into strips for bandages,” he said, rummaging inside his utility belt. He pulled out a packaged roll of gauze that Peter had given him, and began to quickly wrap up his arm.

“Okay. I dispatched the last of the cockroaches and centipedes,” Nat said, suddenly appearing in the doorway. “Peter! Oh god, is he okay?”

“Nat! How did you find me?” Peter asked. He always suspected the Avengers had some sort of tracker on him.

“Nevermind that. We need to get you to a doctor,” she said.

“No doctors please,” Peter said.

Wade and Nat just looked at him like he was insane, before Wade scooped him up and began carrying him out of the building.

****

“Guys, really. I’m fine,” Peter kept insisting in the cab ride towards the hospital.

Wade wasn’t having it. When Peter missed their appointment that morning and his subsequent meeting with the Widow, Wade knew something was up. If Peter was sick he’d have gave notice before his patients showed up to his office. Fortunately, Wade met Natasha at Peter’s office, and she seemed to think something was up as well. She also had the means to track Peter to a vacant office building on the Upper East Side. Wade’s blood boiled when he finally saw what had happened to Peter. He didn’t know why this Zero person took Peter, but they were definitely not going to live to hurt him again.

“I’m a doctor! I don’t need a doctor,” Peter pleaded.

Wade sighed. “Sorry, Pete. Jury's out.”

Peter turned to Nat when he knew Wade wasn’t going to budge. They shared an intense look before Nat finally relented. “Fine. You can go home, but I’ll send one of our doctors to check in on you.” She then leaned forward to reroute the taxi driver.

Wade’s mouth dropped open. “She’s an even bigger softie than me,” he said. Peter smiled, satisfied. “Oooh, I should’ve brought my nurse outfit! You would’ve loved that!”  
A dopey look crossed Peter’s face. “Yeah probably,” he admitted.

Nat’s eyes widened as she stared at Peter and then looked across at Wade. Wade shrugged. Peter was clearly delirious. “Pete, do you know why Zero took you?” Wade asked. He hoped it wasn’t because of his actions against their other facilities.

Peter’s eyes had fluttered closed as if he was thinking intently about how to answer Wade’s question, or maybe he was just completely exhausted.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. will probably want to question him about this,” Nat said. She was rapidly texting multiple people on her phone.

Peter groaned. “Could you just tell them that I don’t know anything? Seriously. Patient Zero admitted to the human experimentation, and then they asked me if I’d help them. I refused so they started torturing me.”

Wade gritted his teeth together angrily. How could someone hurt Peter? In Wade’s eyes it was like torturing a puppy. Pete was harmless. He just wanted to help people. Wade didn’t know when he started holding the doctor’s hand, but it was happening and Peter’s grip was strong despite how weak he looked. If the Widow noticed them holding hands, she didn’t say anything about it.

“Okay, Parker, I’ve alerted S.H.I.E.L.D. Hopefully there’s enough evidence at the crime scene to keep them away from you for now. Tony will probably want to station some bodyguards around you as well. We don’t want this happening again.”

Peter groaned. “Some goons in suits following me around is the last thing I need.”

Wade brightened. “I could watch over Pete! I’d love to watch over our little doctor.”

The Widow narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you sure you can handle this, Deadpool?”

“Course’! And if things get hairy I can always ask Wolverine for help. Logan and I have been working on this case for awhile now. But that’s on the downlow so both of you have to pinky promise not to say anything about that!” Wade shifted so he could hold out the pinky of the hand that wasn’t holding onto Peter’s.

Pete’s eyes were still closed, so he probably wasn’t even paying attention to Wade, whereas the Widow gave Wade’s pinky such a disgusted look that he immediately retracted it.

“Whatever, just don’t let Peter die.”

“I’d rather carve my own eyes out and eat them than let anything happen to Petey.”

The cab abruptly stopped in front of Peter’s apartment, which saved the Widow from replying to Wade’s gruesome statement. “Wake up, sleepy! Let’s get you cleaned up and in bed.” Wade jostled Peter awake, and helped him out of the car.

“I’ll keep in touch, Peter. Feel better.” The Widow waved them off as the cab sped away again.

Peter tried to walk towards the front entrance of his building but he almost fell on his face. “Woah, Pete. Let me help you.”

“M’fine.”

Peter didn’t look strong enough to stand up against a gust of wind. “I’m carrying you.” Wade easily scooped Peter into his arms, and to his great surprise the doctor didn’t even protest.

“Do you want a bath or a shower?” Wade asked, as he carried Peter over the threshold to his apartment. He’d definitely have to get Peter some new locks on his door, as Wade had to kick it down.

“Too sleepy,” Peter mumbled. His face was cuddled into Wade’s chest and his eyes were closed again. Wade smiled. The doctor was definitely going to regret how close he was getting with Deadpool in the morning. There was no way he’d voluntarily cuddle with him. Except he kind of already did. When Peter helped Wade at his place not too long ago, they’d ended up cuddling pretty seriously. Wade sighed. Either way he was happy that he could help Peter for once.

“Sponge bath it is, baby boy! Now I really wish I had my nurse outfit.”

He deposited Peter onto his bed, and went to the kitchen to get a bowl of warm water and a washcloth. When he returned he coaxed Peter into a sitting position, so that he could clean off the dried blood crusted around Peter’s nose and splattered all over him.

“M’not thirsty,” Peter said swatting the wet cloth away.

Wade laughed. “It’s not for drinking, baby boy. I just want to get the blood off of you.”

Peter’s eyes widened, and it was as if his mind momentarily cleared. “I used to not like when you called me that. But I like it now. A lot.”

Wade smiled. That was a weird thing to say considering that Wade rarely called Peter that. “You’re not making any sense,” he said fondly.

A tiny frown mark appeared in between Peter’s eyebrows. Wade brought the washcloth up to Peter’s forehead as if he could wash the frown away. “Don’t be sad. I like it when you’re smiling.”

Peter’s dopey smiled made an appearance again. “You know what I like? Your face.”

Wade laughed out loud. He couldn’t help it. There wasn’t a soul on earth who would enjoy his face.

“Don’t get me wrong I love your body too, but your face is something special. That jawline, your cute nose, and god your eyes are gorgeous. I also think you’re funny and nice, and fun and cuddly. Did I already say cute?” Peter was babbling and Wade was loving it. A voice in the back of his head said Peter was joking, but Wade wasn’t so sure about that. “I’m gonna go to sleep now,” Peter mumbled before promptly falling back onto his pillows and falling asleep.

“Ooookay then.”

Wade took the now pinkish water and the cloth back to the kitchen sink, and dumped it out. He knew Peter needed more substantial medical attention, and he just hoped that the Avengers sent their doctor over soon. It was a little concerning how tired Peter was after that ordeal, but maybe Wade was just too used to his super healing. Peter was only a human man after all. He'd need more time to feel better. Peter’s sleepiness after injuries reminded him of how quickly Spider-man fell asleep when he got shot in the ass. A knock at Peter's door sounded, quickly dispersing that line of thought.

Wade launched himself across the apartment to answer it. “Bout’ time! You took your sweet time getting here.” Wade lifted the broken door away from the door frame, and was met with Tony Stark. Ugh.

“Is he okay?” Tony demanded, pushing passed Wade. There was another older man with Tony. He was carrying a huge medical bag, and had a bushy moustache. Wade narrowed his eyes at the man, but he let him pass through the threshold.

“He's in bed. But he's not really in a state for visitors!” Wade called.

“We’re here to help, Deadpool. This is Dr. Francois.”

Wade literally gagged when he heard the man's name. He definitely didn't trust this douche pocket. He was just about to tell Tony as much, when he cut him off. “Wait in the hallway. We'll call you in if we need more hands.You'll only get in the way.”

Wade grumbled but agreed. He wanted Peter to get better as soon as possible, but he sat right outside the door in case they needed him.

He heard the doctor wake up Peter. There was some discussion of removing clothes for an examination. Peter grumbled about that. He heard Peter try to stand, and then fall over again.

“Please don't touch me,” he said. “I can get up.”

“Peter, please try to be more cooperative,” Iron Anal Beads said. Wade hated him.

“What are these burns from?” Dr. Francois asked.

“Cattle prod.”

“And these bites?”

“Mutant spider,” Peter deadpanned.

Wade could hear the doctor and Tony muttering rapidly about what Peter said. Dr. Douche Moustache decided to clean Peter’s wounds first and bandage up his arm. Wade could hear Peter groaning and breathing heavy. “I’m going to give you some shots to flush the spider’s poison from your system. This is strong stuff so it might make you feel sick for up to six hours while it takes effect.”

“Where’s Wade?” Peter asked.

Tony grunted. 

“I’m waiting out here, baby boy,” Wade called.

“Could you come in?” Peter asked.

“I don’t think—” Tony began.

Wade was already standing and opening the door. “I’m here.” Wade saw that Peter was shirtless and sitting on the edge of his bed. Various bruises and small, raised burns mottled Peter’s chest, neck, and arms. His right forearm was wrapped in gauze from his wrist to his elbow. Wade sucked in a breath. “Oh, Pete, you look awful.”

Peter just silently held out his hand for Wade to take. Wade raised his nonexistent eyebrows, but kneeled beside Peter and grabbed his hand. Doctor Douche Pocket held out a very long needle, and Peter screwed his eyes shut as soon as he saw it. “I know it’s stupid. I’m a doctor. I shouldn’t be scared of needles,” he said.

Wade squeezed his hand. “No one likes needles. Well I don’t know if that’s true. There might some kinky people who enjoy them. Maybe those are the people who are really into doctor patient role playing. I had never really seen the appeal of it you know. Doctors give me the heebeegeebees, no offense, but now that I’ve met you I can definitely see the appeal. Not that I’d want to do it in scrubs or medical gowns—.”

Dr. Francois cleared his throat loudly, breaking Wade from his rambling. “Okay. I’m all done. Give us a call if you notice anything strange. He doesn’t have a head injury, but repeated electrical shocks can cause seizures, trouble breathing, or even cardiac arrest. He’s healthy and he’ll heal fast so I doubt you’ll have to worry about anything too serious so just keep an eye on him.”

Wade nodded. “Will do.” He was glad that his rambling had distracted Peter from the needle.

“Peter, before we go, I wanted to ask if you have any idea where Zero could have gone?” Tony asked.

“I really don’t know. I passed out,” Peter said, already laying back down on the bed.

Tony was about to ask another question, but Wade began to hustle him out of the room. “Questions can wait till he’s feeling better, Iron Dildo,” Wade said.

“Why are you even here, Deadpool?” Tony asked as Wade pushed him towards the front door. “I thought you were gone for good.”

“You can never get rid of me. Plus Pete’s my friend now. I’m going to stay on guard until we know he’s not in danger anymore.”

Tony nodded as if it was a good idea, but he didn’t want to verbally agree. “Whatever. Just try not to make everything worse.” He turned to leave. “Oh, I almost forgot.” Tony paused, took a phone out of his pocket, and held it out to Wade. “Give this to Peter. He must’ve forgot it in the lab when he tried to walk home.”

“Wow, this kid is lucky to be alive, walking across New York that late with no phone.”

Tony smirked. “He’s tougher than you think. Call us if you need backup or anything.” Tony backed out of the apartment, and began walking towards the elevator with the doctor. Wade put the broken door back in place, and then propped a chair under the door handle. He’d have to get that fixed before Peter saw it.

Now that he was alone and Peter was sleeping, Wade decided to explore Peter’s place. He had an impressive array of video games and both a Playstation and an Xbox, so Wade would probably delve into that during his stay in Chez Peter. Peter’s couch and recliner were leather and very comfy. His floors were hardwood, but Peter had a floofy, grey rug taking up most of the living room. Wade noticed that Peter was messy. There were many sweaters, pants, and underwear strewn across the apartment and hanging from chairs. Wade even found a sock sticking to the ceiling somehow.

There were only a few coffee cups in the sink and no other dishes. It looked like Peter didn’t do too much cooking, although he had over seven different contraptions for making coffee, and even more containers of various types of coffee beans. There were two fridges squeezed into his tiny kitchen. The larger one held a multitude of condiments, some expired yogurt, and takeout containers. When Wade opened the mini fridge he immediately slammed it shut. It was full of petri dishes with unknown things growing inside them. There was not a speck of edible food inside it. Wade didn’t know if it was mold growing in the dishes or what, but he didn’t want to inspect them to find out. He decided it was safe to watch some T.V. and doze on Pete’s couch for a while before checking on him. If anyone tried to break in, Wade would hear them.

****  
Wade woke up suddenly to a loud screaming coming from Peter’s bedroom. He immediately hopped off the couch, drew a katana, and ran down the hallway and into Peter’s room. He found Peter tossing and turning in his bed. His blanket was tangled around his legs, and he suddenly sat up in bed with heaving breaths.

“I didn’t save her....” he said, blinking blearily at Wade.

Wade saw that Peter’s skin glistened with sweat, and he was having trouble getting his breathing under control. “Hey, Pete,” Wade said.

Peter jumped at the sound of Wade’s voice. His room was darkening as the sun began setting. Wade could barely make out Peter’s face, but he could tell that silent tears were streaming down his cheeks. “Are you okay?” he asked. For what a joker Wade was on such a regular basis, he recognized Peter’s distress as a night terror, and it was definitely something to take seriously.

Peter remained silent. He clutched at his neck as if he was wondering why he was having trouble breathing. Wade approached him slowly. “Pete, it’s me, Deadpool. I’m here to help you. You’re back in your messy apartment. You’re safe.”

Peter’s eyes widened as if he just realized Wade was standing in front of him. “Wade?”

“Yeah, baby boy. Is it okay if I sit with you?”

Peter nodded, and moved over to make some room for Wade. “I had a nightmare,” he gulped.

Wade sat beside Peter. He decided to remove his mask in hopes that seeing a human face (no matter how ugly) would help to ground Peter. He began to rub Peter’s back slowly. “Do me a favour. Take a deep breath, and then let it out with me.” Wade began breathing slowly and exaggeratedly, coaxing Peter to do the same.

Eventually Peter’s breathing evened out. “Okay?” Wade asked. Peter nodded rapidly. “I’m gonna get you some water. I’ll be back.” Wade did a weak Schwarzenegger impersonation.

“Okay.” Peter squeezed his hand hard, but then let him go.

When Wade returned with the water, Peter gulped it down in a few seconds. “Do you want to talk about your nightmare?” he asked.

Peter sighed. “Not much to say. I haven’t dreamt about it in a while. It was my fault that she died, my ex-girlfriend, Gwen,” he said.

“New trauma can unleash old trauma,” Wade said from experience. “I’m not exactly sure of the situation, but in just the short time I’ve know you I’ve witnessed so much kindness, understanding, and goodness. Honestly, Pete, when I first started stalking you I thought you were just a boring, nerdy doctor, but I quickly realized that there’s this spark inside you that you willingly give to everyone around you. As gay as it sounds, Pete you light up everything you touch. Sometimes the bad things that happen around us are just out of our control. It doesn’t mean it’s your fault.”

Peter sniffled. “That was pretty gay, but thank-you for saying that.”

Wade smiled at Peter. “How are you feeling? Hungry? Thirsty? Horny? What can I do for you?”

“Just tired still.” Peter flopped back onto the pillows.

“I'll let you sleep then.” Wade got up to leave.

“Wade?” Peter’s voice was muffled by the pillow.

“Could you stay just for tonight? I don't want to be alone.” Wade must've paused in the doorway too long, because Peter started backtracking. “Is that too weird?”

Wade practically jumped onto the bed. “Weird is my middle name. Now I usually prefer to be the little spoon, but I think you need it today.” Wade grabbed Peter’s waist and pulled him against his chest into a spooning position. Peter tensed at first, not expecting the sudden cuddle attack, but he soon relaxed into Wade’s embrace.

“I think I was a professional cuddler in my past life,” Wade said.

“Mmmm,” Peter mumbled, pressing his back and bum further into Wade.

“You’re gonna kill me, baby boy,” Wade groaned.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm definitely taking a lot of liberties regarding the medical and scientific parts of this story. I'm sorry if it's not believable enough, but I'm trying my best. 
> 
> Patient Zero in my story looks like the comic version. In this story they're genderfluid, so I use they/them pronouns for them. I doubt I will get into their backstory too much. It's complicated....
> 
> Thank-you for reading and commenting on chapter 2! You guys are awesome :)


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